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Fesshole🧻

@fesshole

Confess your sins anon - will the internet absolve you? ADD FESS https://xitter.gq/t.co/nlr7P7crme LIVE SHOW TICKETS https://xitter.gq/t.co/OBRqMIHFJk

b3ta.com/addfess
Joined June 2018
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  • Followers1M
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Your Fesshole editor has done a book, a response to the world being dominated by AI slop, he's gone back to his ZX81 & written 81 jokes and also, illustrated each one using the exact limitations of this 1981 computer. All by hand. Buy it for Xmas. spelk.press/gb/products/81-j…
81 jokes for the zx81

ALT 81 jokes for the zx81

“Ridiculously niche but ridiculously joyful” Richard Herring “Greatest book ever made and you win. Profound.” Joel Morris (Philomena Cunk co-creator) “Bloody amazing” M. J. Hibbert (Hey Hey 16K songwriter) “Excellent vintage humour. Lifts corny to an art.” Otto English “A ZX Triumph. The joke book I never knew I needed.” Ben Wheatley (film director)

ALT “Ridiculously niche but ridiculously joyful” Richard Herring “Greatest book ever made and you win. Profound.” Joel Morris (Philomena Cunk co-creator) “Bloody amazing” M. J. Hibbert (Hey Hey 16K songwriter) “Excellent vintage humour. Lifts corny to an art.” Otto English “A ZX Triumph. The joke book I never knew I needed.” Ben Wheatley (film director)

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I work with hazardous waste. The real nasty stuff. We don't really have spillages, but on the rare event these things happen I'm always disappointed that I don't turn into a superhero. I'm 40 years old.
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I was 35 before I realized your two pieces of toast don't have to have matching toppings. You can have one with jam/marmalade and one with peanut butter if you want to. There are no toast police.
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Hippy friends of mine had a baby just prior to 9/11 and called her Isis after the Egyptian goddess. I hope she's doing okay and that her childhood wasn't too fucked up.
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When I read to my kids I voice the evil or stupid characters in an Australian accent so they will subconsciously know which team to support in international cricket.
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I always catch the ; key instead of the ' key on my keyboard when I'm typing, so I end up typing "It;s on my list" or "I didn;t know that". I know I can never commit a crime as the police would use this to tie me to any typed evidence
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I'm glad that I managed to convince my mate not to have his stag party at the strip club in town. Because he doesn't know that his daughter is a dancer there.
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We have to spell the word W-A-L-K around our border collie otherwise she goes ballistic. The problem is that she has now, somehow, also learned how to spell the word.
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For each wedding anniversary I always cook my wife an anniversary meal which she posts on social media. Main reason for me doing this is to remind in laws that we didn't have their choice of food at our wedding which annoys them to this day.
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I am 58 years old. My work regularly puts me in senior-level discussions with senior executives and political leaders. I can only tie my shoelaces via the bunny ears method.
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I'm 54 and still don't know how to shave properly. Nobody showed me, I've just bumbled along with varying degrees of uneven stubble n now a badly shaped beard, like a crap Rolf Harris.
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I share a birthday with my wife's dad. He's a great guy, but the thing I resent more than sharing my special day with him is knowing that it will be even worse when I have to share it with his memory.
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If I feel I've been overcharged for a pint, I keep the glass. Afterall, it's part of the purchased product. Pubs should display their pricing on taps clearly.
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Free your conscience with a confession. Share it here with Uncle Fesshole: b3ta.com/addfess
Fesshole - Anonymous Confessions

Fesshole - Anonymous Confessions

Submitting a confession to Fesshole gives Fesshole permission to publish it. Duh. Also we DO NOT store your email - that asterisk saying 'required' is to stop people submitting blank confessions.

docs.google.com
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I broke up with my first ex over an argument that started because he wouldn't make me a cup of tea. He had made one for himself. Zero regrets, he was a selfish pig.
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The vet told me off for calling our tortoise's neck skin a foreskin.
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We'd seen a TV programme where a doctor drew lines on a patient where they were going to cut for some plastic surgery. Our dad was asleep on a Sunday afternoon after 5 pints of lunch. Pentel weren't lying about their markers being permanent. The marks stayed for days.
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At school today, I sneezed into my hand, then quietly wiped it on the coat of a teacher that I don't like. I am also a teacher at the school.
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Add your fess: b3ta.com/addfess
In my 20s I dumped the best gf I've ever had because my sister & Mum privately mocked her big nose. Not a month goes by that I don't miss her. Best sex, gorgeous eyes, lovely personality. I'm an idiot for ever caring what anyone else thinks. Now I'm trapped in a sexless marriage. Fesshole GOLD from 30th June 2021

ALT In my 20s I dumped the best gf I've ever had because my sister & Mum privately mocked her big nose. Not a month goes by that I don't miss her. Best sex, gorgeous eyes, lovely personality. I'm an idiot for ever caring what anyone else thinks. Now I'm trapped in a sexless marriage. Fesshole GOLD from 30th June 2021

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Accidentality left a note on my desk about how to get rid of my colleague who is a cunt. Our manager, who is also the colleague's mother, saw it. Thought I was going to be in trouble, nope, she helped me try to get rid of her. Apparently even she thinks her child is useless.
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