Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham) header
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Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet

@RobertGarnham

Comedy poet and humorist, newspaper columnist. Professor of Whimsy. Writer of 'Nice', ‘Zebra', ‘Squidbox’, ‘Yay’. https://xitter.gq/t.co/efEJhpwKsg

 Paignton, Devon
professorofwhimsy.com
Joined March 2009
  • Tweets9.2K
  • Following1K
  • Followers860
1.1KMedia
Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)Photo by Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)
Two ‘serious’ poems from my collection Woodview professorofwhimsy.com/2026/1…
Two Serious Poems

Two Serious Poems

A couple of weeks ago, I did a gig at a library and everyone laughed and a great time was had by all. Afterwards a lady came up to me and said she had had a wonderful time, but it would have been n…

professorofwhimsy.com
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#poem
Image from Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)
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#poem
Image from Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)
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Hello, I wrote this story 28 years ago, and read it out at the local writers’ circle, printed on a long receipt roll. I hope you enjoy it. Interesting to think that I was worried about A.I. all that time ago! professorofwhimsy.com/2026/1…
A Supermarket Till’s Lament (A short story from 1998).

A Supermarket Till’s Lament (A short story from 1998).

Hello, I wrote this story 28 years ago, and read it out at the local writers’ circle, printed on a long receipt roll. I hope you enjoy it. Interesting to think that I was worried about A.I. all tha…

professorofwhimsy.com
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Some poetry nonsense for you professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
Rarely-performed poems and other mistakes

Rarely-performed poems and other mistakes

I did an online gig the other night. It’s the first one I’d done for a while. And I thought, hmm, I should do more things like this. The next day I went back out to the shed and recorded this. Some…

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Song from my show, Spout: youtu.be/KXpbiLmDiis?is=s6R3…
Too Afraid to Speak to Him (Song from my show, ‘Spout’).

Too Afraid to Speak to Him (Song from my show, ‘Spout’).

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

youtube.com
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Deleted material from my show, Spout: Hipster tea shoppes! All the rage back in 2017. professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
A Hipster Tea Shoppe (Poem deleted from my audio show, ‘Spout’)

A Hipster Tea Shoppe (Poem deleted from my audio show, ‘Spout’)

Whatever happened to all the hipsters? Remember them? So I wrote the original Spout show in 2018 when there were hipsters everywhere, and this poem was inspired by a visit to a hipster tea shoppe i…

professorofwhimsy.com
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I’ve missed Edinburgh this year. But I’ve pretended I’ve been there with my audio show, Spout. And you can pretend to be there, too! The show can be found right here. professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
Spout

Spout

A show about tea Spout is an hour show featuring poems, comedy and songs all around the theme of tea. If you’ve ever enjoyed a cup of tea, or are a coffee drinker eager to make that leap, the…

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robertgarnham1.substack.com/…
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Edinburgh fringe diary from 2019 professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0… #edfringe
Edinburgh Fringe Diary, 2019

Edinburgh Fringe Diary, 2019

I’ve always loved performing at the Edinburgh Fringe. In fact, as a performer, there’s something almost symbolic about going there every year. Sure, it has its drawbacks. It’s busy, noisy, expensiv…

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Pretend you’re at the Edinburgh Fringe by listening to my solo show on audio only, Spout! A comedy poetry show about tea. Pop the kettle on! youtu.be/TBqR58ckpms?is=P82j…
Image from Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)
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professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0… #tea
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If you would like an hour’s whimsy at some point today, pop the kettle on and have a listen. professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
Spout

Spout

A show about tea Spout is an hour show featuring poems, comedy and songs all around the theme of tea. If you’ve ever enjoyed a cup of tea, or are a coffee drinker eager to make that leap, the…

professorofwhimsy.com
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Hello! Would you like to hear an hour solo comedy show about tea? @PGtips @tetleyuk @tetleyusa @TwiningsUK youtu.be/TBqR58ckpms?is=SXO2…
Spout - An Audio Poetry Comedy Show about Tea

Spout - An Audio Poetry Comedy Show about Tea

SpoutSpout is an hour show featuring poems,comedy and songs all a...

youtube.com
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My new show, audio only, comedy and poems just about tea. #fringe professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
Spout

Spout

A show about tea Spout is an hour show featuring poems, comedy and songs all around the theme of tea. If you’ve ever enjoyed a cup of tea, or are a coffee drinker eager to make that leap, the…

professorofwhimsy.com
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Tomorrow, August 1st, I shall laugh mu new show on the world, audio only. I’m incredibly proud of it! Watch this space.
Image from Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)
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A poem I wrote a couple of years ago about Terence Donovan, who has just passed away professorofwhimsy.com/2022/0…
Terence Donovan (Doug Willis from Neighbours) was born in Staines – A Poem

Terence Donovan (Doug Willis from Neighbours) was born in Staines – A Poem

PoemI’m not easily shocked.I’ve dealt with a lot of crap over the years.But this poem isn’t about me,Much as I’d like it to be.For I only discovered this very morning,(And hold onto your hats, dear…

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new poem professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
Capability Brown

Capability Brown

Capability BrownCapability Browndance for me wig boyflatten those hillocksnever touched a shovel in his lifeCapability BrownI salute your pastel giletdrain that lakeI left my mobile phone in the ch…

professorofwhimsy.com
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Here’s a poem I wrote a couple of years ago about watching a documentary about The Good Life. professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
Image from Robert Garnham. Writer, humorist, performance poet (@RobertGarnham)
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Here’s a blog about Dublin, writing, filming myself writing (!), and, hooray!, finishing my novel. professorofwhimsy.com/2026/0…
A Postcard from Dublin

A Postcard from Dublin

The first things you see when you arrive at Dublin are a huge church next to the terminal building with GOD IS LOVE printed on the roof, and a sign for a tour of the Guinness factory. So this makes…

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