Audience critic.
Los Angeles, California, USA
Joined February 2010
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- Following779
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HER: The baby is holding the bottle on her own!
ME: Great… That means she’s only one step away from throwing it on the floor on her own.
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Complete, unhinged conjecture unsupported by any scientific testing. And the conflation of “social interactions” with “professional comedic performance” is top-notch ignorance.
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GOVERNMENT
The United States Electoral College is a DEI initiative that proportionately distributes power among voters.
POLITICS
Republicans hate DEI while insisting the Electoral College is necessary.
Democrats hate the Electoral College while insisting DEI is necessary.
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Sure. Hold comedians to a higher standard than your nation’s leaders.
Makes total sense.
Scrutinize a single “offensive” joke from a live comedy show while defending a politician’s “offensive” comments by claiming, “They were just joking.”
Selective free speech— Great policy.
It’s real easy to get Americans on board with climate science.
Just stop calling it “climate change” and drop any mention of saving lives.
Instead, call it “climate control” and tease the goal of a potential military “weather weapon.”
You’ll have funding within the hour.
A new form of trauma for comedians:
The social media algorithm chooses content that will “interest you” and it’s an old flyer for a show you did weeks ago, but still haven’t been paid.
I’m not “interested;” I should be paid the principal with “interest.”
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ELTON JOHN: I’m going to stop touring to be with my family. And I want to show you why I’m going to stop touring. Please welcome David, Zachary, and Elijah.
MY WIFE: Boooooooooooooo!!!
I’m jealous of all the young stand-up comedians who have pristine video footage of themselves on stage.
I come from a time when comedy clubs recorded comedians using their own club-camera, burned DVDs for us to take home, and let us discover that all the discs were blank.
Waiting for comedy historian, @ClassicShowbiz, to post pics of old news snippets revealing this problem dates back to the 1920’s.
A man allegedly snuck backstage at a comedy club, stole a magician's costume and masturbated on a couch. tmz.com/2022/09/06/man-mastu…
Pay no attention to the woman laughing, screaming, laughing some more, and holding a knife. Everything is fine. I can vouch for her; her story checks out.
Not getting good looks from people at the park. Maybe because I’m wearing earbuds & listening to @StoutRyan’s Man in the Suit; laughing to this album; sometimes screaming if I see a snake; going off the trails; & wearing camouflage—all while holding a knife. 🔪🍄 #MushroomHunting
The phone call just ended. Which really eliminated the need to “close strong” and solidified the sense of “leave ‘em wanting more.”
Every phone call should simply end and we just go about our lives until next time.
Everyone should listen to my albums, by the way.
Battery just died because @StoutRyan wouldn't stop talking about his albums still being available on @Spotify and all other streaming platforms. Follow him everywhere even though he refers himself a "feminist icon".
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The jolt of joy and satisfaction that this tweet gave me was better than *most* of the things I’ve ever snorted. Thanks, @WaterfowlDoxies!
Have you ever regretted a good laugh? Because you will…
@StoutRyan will be performing live at Acme this week. 👏 Have you ever regretted a good laugh?
🎟 acmecomedy.seatengine.com/
“I’m buying a ticket to see Ryan Stout at @AcmeComedyCo as a way to show my support for Ukraine.”
“I got a ticket to see Ryan as a strict exercise of my Freedom of Religion.”
“I bought my ticket in protest of big-box stores.”
Rationalize it however you want.
Just buy a ticket.
