@1000dollarcrab

not a person

 27 - she/her
Joined February 2012
  • Tweets30K
  • Following356
  • Followers502
2.5KMedia
lmaooo i hope NOBODY answers the phone 😭 if it were me i’d have everyone from the chiefs organization BLOCKED
Underdog NFL
@UnderdogNFL17h
Schefter: Chiefs have been calling around for a WR.
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having to physically restrain myself from sending another funny tweet to the group chat because no one has responded to the last 13 and i know I’m getting annoying
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one of the worst parts about having OCD is also being a messy/disorganized person so people who think it’s the cleaning disorder just immediately dismiss me when i say i have OCD
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“you’re so messy though!?” okay well i also need to use the exact same amount of detergent every time i do the dishes or it will poison me and my loved ones like what do you want from me
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the hat man retweeted
Brad@color_me_braddOct 26
This is how Scooby Doo used to be pointing out ghosts.
SportsCenter
@SportsCenterOct 25
Jahmyr Gibbs after the Packers jumped on 3rd & 5 😂 (📺 FOX)
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can anyone explain why the shuffle feature works so much better on apple music than spotify. like it’s actually for real shuffling my songs
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whenever it starts getting a bit cold they inject Bladee directly in to my veins
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tonight im snorting icedancer tomorrow im smoking 333
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checked in on threads and they’re over there saying you can’t go to the bathroom on a short plane ride
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the concept of picking an aisle seat and then expecting the person trapped next to you to never need to get up at all
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i’ve been so confused about this tweet for like two hours how can you even have a television without connecting it to the internet am i losing my mind
AC@saveuscultureOct 24
WHY are you people connecting your TELEVISIONS to your WiFi?
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like it’s 2026 i refuse to believe people still exclusively and actively use cable television and 0 streaming services. no FUCKING way
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do guys have the concept of an “everything shower” the way girls do
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having a slightly personal, semi-important location from your past get shut down and turned in to a spirit halloween is an american birthright
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“performatively laugh at everything that’s humorous” we’re not elizabeth holmes watching the who’s on first sketch we actually get what’s going on sorry you don’t 😭
jack of all trade@notjacktwistOct 23
they should offer two types of screenings for You Can See Everything: one for normal people and one for people who want to performatively laugh at everything that’s humorous or awkward
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it’s crazy someone can be like “i was wrong about a lot of things i made a lot of mistakes but i have learned and am sorry and am trying to do better every day” and yall will still punish them
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like no one is saying you have to forgive anyone but if we can’t at least acknowledge people are capable of growing and learning and becoming better people then what’s the point of anything
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i like how he keeps iterating they never have sex like yeah we know that’s the most believable part
vio 🖤✨
@viotubingOct 23
🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️
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sorry i cant come in to work today ethan klein cheated on his wife and i have to be on the internet all day for that
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we need a part 2 of the h3h3 content cop
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