When I wear a Nike hockey tee, no one asks if I play hockey. I’m wearing a Nike lacrosse tee and everyone wants to know where I play/how long I played for. May need to retire this shirt. Lol
I know he already said no but @idriselba would’ve made for an absolutely fantastic Bond.
I had just stuffed a cookie in my face when my VP came over to chat with me. Probs set a record for fastest chew speed.
Alejandro Ortiz Jr retweeted
Still blown away that Susan Collins called the police over the nicest chalk protest in history
Once I learn how to ice skate like an NHL linesman, it’s over for y’all. #nhlplayoffs
I brought butter from my old place to my new place. There’s no butter anywhere in my fridge.
Somewhere in my belongings, a wicked surprise festers.
Alejandro Ortiz Jr retweeted
A guy my age was telling me how happy he was that his wife just gave birth to their fourth child then was like “sorry, don’t mean to brag” and it’s like, oh no worries, your life literally sounds terrible to me
Moving is the absolute worst. I’ve officially reached the “I’m just gonna throw this away” stage. I won’t actually trash anything though.
Rooting for any Dallas team is torture. Can never be cut and dry. With that being said, Stars need to pull through.
Alejandro Ortiz Jr retweeted
The last thing Ukrainians should do right now is apologise for sharing photos of Bucha massacre.
And even though you all say “you get it, we don’t need the pictures” I don’t freaking think you do. Our people are being exterminated and the world is sitting and watching.
I’m late to the Fast & Furious game and just now watching F9–how tf did we end up in space? Like what?
Just saw #OldHenry and I’m convinced that I too can become a badass once I reach middle age—John Wick and Taken also support this claim.
Alejandro Ortiz Jr retweeted
do I have this right? kneeling disrespects the flag, but beating a cop with a flag is 'legitimate political discourse'? maybe I'm new around here, but that sounds fucking nuts












