ALPHA ♛ KAISER 𝐈𝐈

Alpha Kaiser FAQ Thread 🧵 For new followers, your guide to a mysterious yet legendary Twitter poster

Being “big” on Twitter is like being King of a country with an ageing population and outdated fading culture I need to move to TikTok, the Land of Opportunity, where I can work hard in the niche avant garde Gen Alpha comedy scene under a new name assigned to me at Ellis Island

0-2 loss against a top side like Falkirk is actually a decent result Would have bitten your hand off for that if you offered it pre-match 💪

I’m proud of this team for managing 3 minutes before going 1-0 down to Falkirk 🍀🥹 Falkirk are a top top side so there is no shame in that, plus conceding a goal early can get it out the way and settle the nerves as well as providing powerful motivation 💪

Cobbling together a last minute Halloween party and you know it’s gonna look like absolute shit and you will spend all night making excuses

I’m a burned out gifted kid (28 years old) My strengths: High potential Multiplication tables up to 12 Reading age of 30 years old Genius intellect My flaws: Perfectionism Caring too much Disillusioned by the system Live in my parent’s basement Work at McDonalds

Pre-ChatGPT btw… prime Kaiser was special

The UEFA A Licence holder moves with a serene dignity. He prefers not to talk about his credentials (impressive though they may be), but rather let his posts speak for themselves. It’s the mark of a life spent in quiet reflection and analysis. Such is the way of the A Licence.

Martin O’Neill 2025/26 league win

Attached my heart to Celtic even though everything in this Dunyā is designed to break your heart 💔

I hate the general public so much man Every time I interact with them it’s striking just how ignorant, rude, and thoughtless the broad masses of population are Some I’m sure are good people

Life is a joking 🤪🃏

Celtic… life is a joking 🃏🤪

Life is a joking 🃏🤪

Hate dressing up for Halloween but then remembered I have to in order to meet societal expectations

Taking his age and current stats into account, and extrapolating his trajectory into the future… Lamine Yamal may be the GOAT. Do we have a plan in place for this?

In a Manchester pub, I remarked loudly “United are deadass a banter” An old man turned to me. “Fuck kinda hipster Gen-Z shite are you spouting, son?” “It means that United are run incompetently, to the extent that it’s viewed as a joke.” I replied. He nodded and shook my hand.

In a Glasgow pub, I remarked loudly “Celtic are deadass a banter” An old man turned to me. “Fuck kinda hipster Gen-Z shite are you spouting, son?” “It means that Celtic are run incompetently, to the extent that it’s viewed as a joke.” I replied. He nodded and shook my hand.

Kasper Høgh is on #FlopWatch

Supporting Celtic turned me into a nihilist Nothing matters. We win the league? Nothing happens. We crash out the UCL? Nothing matters. We are trapped in an endless cycle… Buddhism calls it samsara. Desmond prevents us from achieving nirvana and breaking free.

Celtic deadass lost again in the Europa League We deadass can’t hang even at this level Celtic is deadass a banter