𝓢𝓮𝓵𝓽𝓱 𝓛𝓸𝓪𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓰

artists are so boring. ideas are so boring.

guillotine for whoever invented "waterproof sneakers"

Men are the lego version of me

it is very important to leave four jpegs of your dog like crooked teeth on your desktop

i miss my leukocytes

I think my hottest take of all is that make up is so fkn insane. women supposed to alter to look normal wtf you are an adult just go outside with your face you r an animal you don't need to spend money on an expensive daily arts and crafts project to feel okay grow up!!!

I'm a miranda because the actor who plays me is gay

It is can of garbonzo beans summer

Big Idiot on the Clock

increments is a creepy word. let's all admit it

sitting on the floor eating pretzel sticks with the dog realized: streaming services is just worse pay per view

rescheduling my exit from the mortal coil so I can do something cool with this after it becomes public domain in 9 years

my bike has pedal assist too - it's called going downhill

Huddled up with my chapstick and my phone like I’m dying in an ice cave on Everest

Obsessed with this carrot's no-nonsense taper

what if I just started tweeting a lot again lol

remember yesterday when I got superglue on my lip

everybody I have called today has trouble with their mic what's that planet