Just heard a man with a huge beard and a cobra tat spiralling up his arm exclaim “Whoops-a-daisies”, as he feebed out on his electric scooter wheel contraption.
A 20 year old girl beside me at a bar just said "Well, you only get married once."...I did a fireboat level spit take.
I’m pretty certain that the Tom Petty song “The Waiting”, was about warming up a can of mini ravioli for breakfast.
I used to pity those old bachelor's that did Their "weird shopping" at 7-11, but now I realize they are living in heaven on earth. Orange soda and taquitos for midnight dinner... Yes I fucking can... 🎩
I just backed Pedral Watches - Retro Inspired Watches With A Modern Touch on @Kickstarter kck.st/2sjuPot
I think there is so much shame in the world, because flimsy diving soccer players have no shame, so we all feel it by proxy. It's their dirty unfelt secondary dive shame eeeeew.
That moment when you enter a restaurant, and you are the only customer, and they look super bummed you showed up... But you stay because food reasons.
Names I demand if I have more kids.
1. Fillet-o-Fishtapher
2. Big-Mackenzie
3. Shamrock Shaquelle
4. Peg McMuffin
Am I in a Baz Luhmann art directed biker bar? Nope, just drinking in a regular old Vancouver spot, à la... 2018
I just saw a Groupon for a "Self guided" e-bike tour. Pretty sure that's just a bike ride, you fuckjars.
The Winners shoe aisle may as well just have pictures of dick sizes, we all giggling at you there in the 7-81/2 aisle anyway...
When I'm windows shopping on Groupon and the button says "show more deals" I always read it in Buttheads voice.