Not Racist Guy

Man a feed a fish, can’t eat for a day. Lead horse to water, feed horse to fish.

“I’m so sick of AI! I’m disgusted by it! In fact, I don’t want to see anyone else even mention it. From now on, we won’t be saying AI anymore, we’ll refer to it as B….and then what come after I…J. We’ll call it BJ.”

Updating my LinkedIn bio: “Digital nomad, freethinker, idea guy - making slurs cool again.”

Being president sounds like a dream job for a gay guy: always getting debriefed by other men.

90% of improv shows in Austin: “Hey! We’re Snaggletooth! Who here LOVES to laugh! Ok, this is not that kind of show.”

It’s “Unalive Tony” now.

🎶 “Her name was Rio and that’s Mexican for bathroom” 🎶

The rock sauce is like a zip sauce girl is going to be made press secretary.

Calling in gay to work tomorrow.

Women aren’t prepared for the Chernobyl level disasters I’m about to bring to their bathroom stalls.

Wait, Talarico and Ginajosa are in love and they’re married??

I’m so relieved we don’t have to put 🅱️ in front of c words anymore. We crippin now, cuh.

When do we start moving the people who have Bible verses in their bios into the camps?

I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you have sex with men? That’s disgusting and degenerate. You’re tearing apart the moral fabric of America.

Telling me you have boundaries, as someone who has issues respecting boundaries, is incredibly insensitive. But you didn’t even consider that before we circled up for this improv warmup, did you?

I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re an AI data center wearing a shirt that says “I’d rather be a gay guy dating center”?

Every Halloween I’m reminded that we did the right thing by allowing women to vote. I won’t be expounding on this.

I bet PSYCHOS love Halloween.

I get so pissed off when people tell me to “break a leg” before a show. Fuck you?