Representatives for Big Time Warns Permanent Daylight Saving Will End the Nation’s Favorite Biannual Panic WASHINGTON — Lobbyists for Big Time stormed the Capitol on Thursday to stop a bill that would lock the clocks on daylight saving time, arguing the country cannot survive without two scheduled episodes of mass confusion a year. “We are not anti-hour,” said a spokesman for the Big Battery and Big Oven-Display coalition, speaking under a banner that reads MAKE THE MICROWAVE BLINK AGAIN. “We are pro-bewilderment. Every November adults stand in their kitchen and lose the fight to a stove. That is a sacred American tradition. Congress wants to give people the evening light and then just… leave it there. Reckless.” The group’s internal memo, obtained by this author and printed in 14-pt Comic Sans, warned that permanent later sunsets would “devastate the Big Smartwatch reset economy” and leave thousands of customer-service agents with nothing to explain. One line simply read: “If they keep the hour, who buys the backup alarm clock shaped like a rooster?” Asked whether later winter sunsets might be nice, the spokesman stared into the middle distance. “Nice is not a business model,” he said. “Confusion is.” Sunshine Protection Act, which would make daylight saving time permanent justthenews.com/politics-pol…