You Know Brenda

New Copyright Law in UK Allows Orphaned Works to be Published, ow.ly/DLHlE

You know what I like? When someone knows it's time to shut up. So I'm giving it (this) a rest....At least for a while.

You know what I can't help but notice? When a Kardashian uses "I" instead of "me" thinking it sounds smart but it really, like, isn't.

You know what I love? Finding money in a random pocket. Yeah, it's always been mine but it feels like free cash to blow on dumb, fun stuff.

You know who I hate? The dick in front of me at Starbucks who never gets off the phone while ordering his 1/2 caf, no foam, extra hot latte.

Dear Neighbor with Annoying Alarm Clock: Thanks for leaving it on while on vacation. And you forgot about daylight savings, dick. Best, B.

Dear Real Life: It's nice to know somethings never change especially after a crappy vacation. Best, B.

Dear Internet: I think we should take a break, but don't worry, I'll be back next Monday. Best, B.

Dear Alarm Clock: Your job, which is your ONLY job, is to wake me up when I set you to wake me up. How hard is that? Best, B.

Dear New Thong Underwear: I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for you to exist, but maybe not for my particular butt crack. Best, B.

Dear Work: I know you have to get done, it's, like why I'm here. No reason to be pushy about it. Best, B.

Dear Flip Flopped Intern: And still you have the balls to whine about being an intern 3 years out of Brown. Look down, dummy. Best, B.

Dear Dentist: Thank you for letting me watch 'Finding Nemo' while you put your fingers (and other stuff) in my mouth. Best, B.

Dear Caffeine Jitters: Is this your way of telling me I might have a problem with you? Best, B.

Dear Wednesday: Oh, you're still here? Best, B.

Dear Life of Pi: I read you, I watched you, but I still don't get you...so I guess that makes me the...tiger The hyena? Best, B.

Dear Three Day Weekend: Get ready to have your world rocked. Big time. Best, B.

Dear Valentine's Day: I could pretend I'm wearing red underwear because of you, but the truth is I didn't do laundry last weekend. Best, B.

Dear Toe Socks: I've talked to Boots and he's agreed to keep our little secret. Best, B.

Dear Valentine's Day: Yes, I know you're on your way and, boy, do I have plans for you. Best. B.