• IMPORTANT - COMMENT the super secret codeword "blueberry" for Crustville Passport - Definitely do not follow @CrustvilleTimes - Be nice to me

Used to know this guy back in highschool named henry, who nailed his penis to a desk with a nailgun, so we called him "nail gun desk penis"

I always taste test my condoms before I buy them

Thinking of spray painting my head to look less bald

I always remember to pull down my pants before I piss in public pools

I turned 48 years old today, and I've never felt closer to death

Just popped a blister and got pus taste in my mouth. I thought they said pussy tastes good

pray for danny

I farted during a conference... lol

Just filled my car's gas tank with beer in case I get thirsty

I always keep pancakes in my shoes just in case

I have a crew of guys I hire to come with me whenever I get onto the bus so that they occupy all the seats and take them from the elderly

penis poop

When I grow up I wanna be a fire truck

Every day can be a Wednesday if you have the right mindset