Chelsea Grace

#WWEDetroit YA BABY YA!!

Keep telling myself "it's not you, Chels...it's No Nut November".

It's been so long since I've had sex, my junk is harder to penetrate than a Capri Sun 😭😭

I've been blessed with a broken water main outside my house. Hot city workers everywhere. This is my dream come true.

I've relapsed. I fell off the Arbys Beef Brisket wagon. If I start disappearing for long periods of time or not showing up to things, it's because I'm either at Arbys or on the toilet because I just consumed Arbys. This is a cry for help.

Pretty sure my laser hair technician burned my whole pussy lip off but at least someone finally touched it. #iaminpain

I rented a bouncy castle for my 30th birthday party this Sunday. If someone doesn't have birthday sex with me inside of it than it was a waste of money.

*checks bank account* *must choose between birth control and Mandarin Buffet* *puts on stretchy pants and Googles effectiveness of pull-out method*

My date had to cancel on me. Now I'm a very hungry girl with clean hair and a shaved pussy.

You never realize how disgusting you are until you eat a banana in a quiet room

Subway: 4 mins to eat sub, 2hr swallowing my own throw up, 3hrs of gut rot, and a lifetime to learn my lesson about not going there anymore

So I'm in the tub, making a list of men I've been with in the steam of the shower door when I realize I'm 5 over the projected number. #slut

Heads up:I'm starting laser hair removal 2morrow, so a good chance Shick will be going out of business. Stock up on ur shaving supplies

Who would support me if I started a Go Fund Me for laser hair removal?

My mom lets me do laundry at 4pm during peak hours. That is the middle-class equivalent of Mayweather flashing his money. I feel fancy AF.

Life Advice: always stop to smell the flowers. Unless you're paying your respects at a casket, then you should probably keep it moving.

Natural disasters make me horny.

Chelsea Disgrace Life Hack : if you love somebody let them go...to Taco Bell and buy a build-a-box to share with you. #tacobell #lifeadvice

I gotta sit on men's laps and sell them shots in 2 hours. I've just eaten Taco Bell. Risky game. Come if you dare.

I just did a fart that lasted 12 seconds and nobody was around to hear it and now I know it's important to have friends.