Bearded & Fluffy 🍺🤪🍺🤪

I was petting a dog and the owner said "Do you wanna see her puppy in the car?" And I'm like "fuck yeah I do!!!" So we walked to her car and OMG the puppy was so cute. Then I thought to myself Damn...did I really just follow a stranger to her car cuz she she had a puppy 🤔🤣

On my way to Wal-Mart, CVS, Dollar General and Target for all the discounted Halloween candy before they put out the Christmas stuff....

All set for the kids to stop the house tonight!! Happy Halloween 🎃🦇🕸👻🧛‍♂️

Me too sad potato....me too 😒😔

Nobody tells you when you reach a certain age you will have a favorite burner on your stove, a favorite pot/pan, utensil and cup.

Me getting ready to believe in love again but it's Halloween so nobody knows.....

They say exercise gives you energy BUT you need energy to exercise. Hmmmm sounds like a pyramid scheme to me 🤔🤔

Ok soooooo Halloween is TOMORROW.......this could be us if ya stop playing f'n games 😜😜😜

What do you a vampire with a sex addiction??? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . COUNT FUCKULA 🧛‍♂️ 🤣 🦇 😜

Me: "I just ended a 5 year relationship" Coworker: "oh no....are you okay? I didn't know you were dating anyone?!?" Me: " Oh....it wasn't MY relationship 😏😜"

I'm not an alcoholic.....I'm just always up to have a drink. There's a big difference

Things that keep me awake at night #382.....the letter C in Pacific Ocean is pronounced differently every time it's said.

Any time a woman ghosts me, I just assumed they were a federal agent who got too emotionally attached to me and has to be reassigned to maintain her under cover status

This year Halloween falls on a weekend!! 🎃☠️🕷🕸👻 This is it Gen X. This is what the Geto Boys and Bushwick Bill prepped us for......let's not let them down 🙌🙌

I may not have a girlfriend, mental stability or even a fucking clue what I am doing BUT I do have tickets for an upcoming concert already purchased 🤘🤘😛😛🔥🔥

Anxiety makes you apologize for things that don't need an apology. Sometimes we need to take a minute or two tp process the situation. For existing in a loud room in where we hear everything. Just let me be me in that moment.

Have you ever just reached a point in life where you are just done?? I may have reached that point tonight and ita crazy how & why it got to that point

Spooky season??? Bitch.....I've been a problem all year