Collette Reitz

I already need to use a prescription toothpaste. My teeth can’t handle RFK Jr. “going wild” on removing fluoride from the drinking water!! 😭🫠

me updating my resume as a digital media professional: “in terms of computer, I would say [s]he's probably about as good as you get.”

send me your holiday pitches please!! :)

halloweentown premiered? i’m sorry i think you meant to say that halloweentown INVENTED CINEMA!

me every time the lacheys pop up in #LoveIsBlind7

me after leaving a bath and body works in 1999. #artstuff #rollonglitter

when i write “TK” in a draft:

Taylor Swift to Beyoncé rn:

Just putting this out there @taylorswift13 — Haunted x The Black Dog mashup for Saturday, Aug. 17. 👻🖤🐶

ummmm what? “Unable to follow more people at this time.” why is this a thing? (also this is the first account i tried to follow today 🫠)

Some women are natural beauties. And some women have to ask their hairdressers to cut the bulk out of the bottom of their shoulder-length hair so they don’t look like the little lad who loves berries and cream. (I’ve literally only ever known the latter. 😂)

I need the Foxtrot/Dom’s documentary asap.

every digital media editor one month after publishing a new issue or vertical:

Y’all I’ve been crushing since my 13 yo self caught a glimpse of him on Real World Paris 🫠🙃😍

Me when I decide my period is over on day 5 no matter what my body is doing:

it me 😅😅😅

I was trying to sing, “Karma is the guy on the Chiefs coming straight home to me,” But what came out was, “Karma is the guy on the STREET coming straight home to me.” Like, I get it, I am *not* Taylor Swift. But the street?!?! Damn.

I want to be so publicly petty to a company rn, but I just can't. It's been the worst consumer experience of my life, but they shall remain nameless. Thanks a lot for the (lapsed) Catholic guilt, Mom and Dad!

The older I get, the more I understand why Sonja had five interns at any given time. I literally need someone who is solely responsible for responding to all the emails.