Colonel Keezner

When a girl is wearing shorts and there's half an inch of cheek hanging out. Yeah I'm #into that

White-passing Colombian women with tattoos who weigh no more than 115lbs

When I'm teaching a CrossFit class to my Hispanic clients and they speak Spanish in front of me, I feel racially discriminated against

If there were no Instagram, would girls still show up to run club and Pilates

The first 3 dates with my ex: 1. Workout 2. Walk around a nursery 3. Walk around the Hard Rock All of these dates cost me $0. The right girl will want to show up to the plans you set, make it easy to talk to her, and won't care how much money you spend on the date. Going out of your way to appease a woman is almost never a good idea. And if she makes you go out of your way for her, that's usually an indication of disinterest. Move on

I never thought I'd say this, but I just got my first match on Raya

What does it mean when a girl posts a screenshot of your DM on her story but leaves the message on delivered

If you send me an email, it will go directly to my trash and I will not be opening it

I liked too many feet pictures on my for you page and now that's all I see

Omg! I just found this girl on Instagtam suggested! We have a date tonight

My current list of people I dislike the most: 1. People who give small business owners a hard time 2. People who don't put their gym equipment away 3. People who don't put their shopping carts away 4. People who talk on speakerphone in public 5. People who hog the left lane

Tonight, I took a drive to watch the sunset and eat some glizzies. In an ideal world, I'm sitting next to the love of my life, we eat our glizzies together and enjoy the sunset. Instead, two glizzies, both for me please.

I might not dress that nicely all the time, but this dude is straight up wearing a picture of pants on his pants

Introducing my dad to Twitter

Does anyone else subconsciously sniff the air when they walk past someone or is that just me? I can't help it

There's men out there who have no problem marrying the women who have been fucked by dozens of cocks. Good for them. Personally, that isn't me, but I wish those couples nothing but success in their relationships

Average woman on a "dating" app

Did you know that if you drink 500mg of caffeine before noon and your eyes start twitching

Hoping that no women in the Fort Lauderdale Whole Foods just caught me standing on my tippy toes to reach a coffee on the top shelf

Instead of posting these collages of the different faces you're attracted to, just post the face cards of your different exes.