Contagious Cant See

I consider myself an intellectual

Send me all of your gas pedals. I’ll take them all on

Mario and Jojo share a commonality that they were both made in Japan but take place in a country on Earth that isn’t Japan which can also be said about some other things I couldn’t care to mention right now

Ronald Reagan with just One bacon

Sometimes a German dude will say hi to you and you just gotta say hi back this is something almost everyone goes through in their lifetime

Yo remember those big ass phones that didn’t have screens and didn’t work wireless and had shit sound quality and were overall just completely worse than what we got now let’s bring those back

I’ve always been centrifugal yall just weren’t looking hard enough

I could manage 100 slices of pizza. I couldn’t eat them all but I could tolerate being in their presence for sure

I deserve to go to hell for ever thinking of touching a keyboard with anything less than the cleanest of fingers

Somewhere out there there’s an image of a guy covered in suds wearing sunglasses with the caption “it’s lit” and I’d like to find it some day

“Look I know it’s interesting and all but can we please get back to studying this test is like 30% of our grade” I plead with my classmates to no avail. “I’ve got to stop using the racist capybara thing as an icebreaker” I mutter under my breath

Bogosort level god

Them birds wouldn’t have been so angry if someone introduced them to a 3 mile jog and half a pint of tonight dough

They deadass had dudes named Warden Gordon Schmorden in captain underpants and George and Harold were going for low hanging fruit like Professor Poopypants

God of Warts

Presidential debate with Micheal Kovach as mediator

Demonic water filter

To every end there is an mong us

Prank to try: Hand someone a bag in public and run away. They almost always immediately jump to the conclusion that there’s something dangerous in there and panic. The prank becomes even more layered if there actually is