David Ray

My life has been a just a series of walking into a room and forgetting what I walked in to get.

If I do have kids eventually I hope they just refer to me as their "rad uncle." – at California, USA

All I'm lookin for in a girl is if she can sing the harmony parts in "endless love" perfectly with me. – at California, USA

My musical taste can best be described as "Dad Rock" – at California, USA

Calling yourself a "humorist" says "I write jokes, but also take myself way too seriously". – at California, USA

Your husband isn't going to magically turn into one of the Property Brothers. – at California, USA

I'm not a dad, but I do listen to a lot of Michael McDonald and Toto. – at California, USA

Relationship goals: Be kinda hipster with me, do hipster things, but make fun of hipsters together. – at California, USA

Pros: I'm very decisive. Cons: I make bad decisions.

Buying fat free half & half is worse than being alone on Valentine's Day.

Drinking alone at a bar tonight? Stand with a drink in each hand and it just looks like you're waiting on your date who's in the bathroom.

We talked about this, I need some space. xitter.gq/AdobeCare/status/69749…

I look like the type of guy who says "coachella's just not about the music anymore." – at California, USA

I look like a different white dude in every picture taken of me. – at California, USA

I'm the Michael Jordan of leaving every cabinet open when I leave the kitchen. – at California, USA

I look like that guy that made you awesome mix cds in college that you didn't date. – at California, USA

I'm the opposite of ambidextrous. I'm equally as awkward with both of my hands. – at California, USA

If you post a funny video or vine to your TL, you don't have to caption it "I'm crying 😂😂" there are other things to say. – at California, USA

*uses hot black coffee to ingest acid reflux medicine and advil* – at California, USA

How soon is too soon to start an ugly selfie contest in a relationship?