@Dissonances
Joined February 2011
  • Tweets478
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  • Followers25
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Pickup lines overheard at a bar, "wow, you text fast." Really looking forward to what gems single life has in store.
Things I didn't expect to say today, "My dead dwarf hamster is still Facebook friends with your ex-husbands dog."
Barista Ricky Biscuits - "What kind of milk would you like with your cappuccino? Whole milk? Soy milk?" Guy -"No milk." #overheardatburlap
Went dumpster diving with @aadealy. Now I smell like flowers. #BedBathandBeyond
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This is what you do when you break up, right? Make a Tinder account? #nailedit
His tag line, turning crime into soggy bread one criminal at a time.
Soggy Bread Man and his sidekick French Onion Soup. #UselessSuperHeroes
Now I know why I never go back to look at my paint things. #damnkids
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Wolf Pack Alan@WolfpackAlan22 Apr 2015
It all makes sense now
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Joseph Scrimshaw@JosephScrimshaw17 Apr 2015
Right now, the #StarWars trailer has 1426 thumbs down on YouTube if you want to know how many soulless assholes there are on the planet.
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@SteffiShelly xitter.cf/firstworldpains/status…
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They call me Mr. Business. #Lego
How did I not know Robin Williams starred in Mad Men. #TheCrazyOnes
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Wolf Pack Alan@WolfpackAlan14 Apr 2015
Fifty Shades of Grey is only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer, it would be a Criminal Minds episode.
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Joseph Scrimshaw@JosephScrimshaw12 Apr 2015
I'd like to watch the Mad Men/Game of Thrones crossover show which is just a dragon drinking whiskey and looking sad for an hour.
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The Atlantic
@TheAtlantic11 Apr 2015
The disturbing movement to oppose diversity at this year's Hugo Awards theatln.tc/1HbrkBy
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Steven Brust, pjf@StevenBrust9 Apr 2015
You know that stupid, boring chapter 2 infodump bad writers do? Well, I'm putting it in chapter *3*. That's why I'm an artist.
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And by working out I mean I'm hanging around the juice bar. Because osmosis.
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