Scooby-Doo Ray Charles MF Doom guy from iFunny. I love arguing with people soooo much!!!!!
Joined October 2022
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🐫 somebody asks me about once or twice a month
“where’s the scooby Doo video” or “where’s the Ray Charles video”
so here they are and imma pin this post 🐫
ZacTheFirst 🐫 retweeted
“Anakin Skywalker was BASED.”
Let’s review the résumé of the Chosen One.
Destroys trade Federation control ship by accident (this is one of his few accomplishment)
Gets admitted to the Jedi order because his sponsor dies and everyone feels bad.
Assigned as a security detail for Senator Amidala, literally cannot keep it in his pants.
Fails at literally doing nothing. Both Padme and himself get captured.
Loses his first major lightsaber duel against Count Dooku causing him and his master to lose.
Get promoted to Jedi Knight during the war simply because they need more Knights and is handed a Padawan despite never completing the traditional trials.
Is actually very competent and high-performing during the clone wars (it was rigged in his favor)
Fails at keeping his Padawan in the Jedi Order.
Finally wins a lightsaber duel against someone who was at least 40+ years older than him.
Gets appointed to the Jedi Council because his sugar daddy wanted it so. But throws a tantrum because he isn’t made a Master. Which is literally just a title.
Discovers the Supreme Chancellor is the Sith Lord responsible for the entire war. Decides to help him anyways, so he can save his wife.
Finally wins multiple duels against multiple opponents (they are all children)
Personally chokes his pregnant wife.
Loses a duel to his former master, note: this is during his peak “chosen one” rage and skill
BUT NOW HE’S DARTH VADER. SURELY THINGS IMPROVE.
Spends two decades hunting Jedi and has his own fortress infiltrated by his former master and his long lost daughter in a trench-coat.
Gets defeated by Obi-Wan AGAIN, ten years later.
Fails to recover the stolen Death Star plans
Is able to finally tie with Obi-Wan, only because Obi-Wan is now a senior citizen and gave up.
Fails to stop the destruction of the death star.
Fails to prevent the Rebel evacuation of Hoth. Despite having the entire planet surrounded.
Fails to capture his own son with a trap specifically set for him. Duel itself is at best a tie.
Failed at protecting the imperial base on Endor (he let the rebel strike team through)
Fails to turn Luke to the dark side.
Fails to counter Luke “ Louisville slugger” fighting style, losses duel.
Fails at simply doing nothing, instead decides to throws his own boss down a reactor shaft
Fails at dying with dignity, apologizes for everything he’s ever done
The “Chosen One” was truly based, he was able to climb the Galactic ladder decades ahead of everybody else with his sole résumé qualification being “I actually have more bacteria in my blood than you do”
ZacTheFirst 🐫 retweeted
There were so many glaring issues with all of the Prequels.
One of the biggest however was Natalie Portman who was quite obviously 16 going on 17 being paired up opposite of poor befuddled Jake Lloyd who was only 8.
Everyone thought it was weird at the time nor did it make a lick of sense why Lucas insisted on this dynamic.
Meanwhile an Obi-Wan/Padme love triangle was always in the cards and would have explained why Anakin chose to go to the Dark Side. It is bizarre why Lucas and company spiked this plot development particularly when Ewan McGregor and Portman had such good screen chemistry.
Instead we got the nonsense of Anakin killing everyone he knew and loved because he had a bad dream.
One very strange thing about Star Wars politics: “Queen” Amidala is supposedly democratically elected. I suppose Lucas liked the optics of royalty but didn’t want to show a good hereditary monarch. But that raises an interesting question, why the hell would Naboo CHOOSE to elect a 13 year old? Have you met one?
ZacTheFirst 🐫 retweeted
George Lucas didn’t have the balls to tell the actually compelling story here: Padme really was going to die during pregnancy, the Dark Side really is stronger, Anakin becomes a Sith to save her and his children, and he does save them, but after learning of the terrible things he’s done (younglings), she kills herself. That’s a story. Shakespearean. Like Hamlet’s Ophelia. In that version, Anakin had to become Vader for Luke to be born, so that together they could overthrow the Emperor. Suddenly everything falls into place. Instead Lucas has to tell the boring black-and-white version where Palpatine was just lying and there was actually no point whatsoever in Anakin becoming a Sith and Padme just spontaneously evaporates.
Quick Padme rant now that the prequels are trending again.
One of the things that bothers me most about Padme and also incidentally exemplifies how she really does fit the progressive, longhoused girlfriend meme is her death.
A lot of people simplify her death into "Oh Anakin killed her."
To be clear, he did not kill her.
The movie explicitly states she was physically fine but died of a broken heart.
So this woman has 2 newborn children, but she is so heartbroken over Anakin rejecting the Republic and going to the darkside that she can't even summon the will to live to raise her own babies.
Madness. Insanity. Perfect illustration of the liberal adherence to ideology over family.
I do like this show but it is pure Obama-core shit.
“White Rednecks who stockpile guns sure are dumbhuh? They hang out in the woods and hate the government? They even hate Hillary!”
Ash: “hey Pablo want a burrito? Don’t worry I’m not racist, black girls are sexy as hell!!”
