morgsie ཐི ₍^.ˬˬ.^₎ ཋྀ

This is not a post I wanted to make, but unfortunately I have to speak up on what has transpired. I want to preface this by saying that we always need to believe victims. It is okay if you initially read Austin's statement & felt hurt, angry or even betrayed by these accusations. However, I was reassured many times by Austin that everything we did together was okay, fully welcomed, and that I did not do anything wrong. I have many messages that prove this, and while I do not wish to share the intimate details of my first sexual encounter, I have the information available. I was in an intense online relationship with Austin for a short time back in 2022. I would like to emphasize that this relationship was very sexually charged. But anyway- we finally met in real life for a few days, and during those few days we had a brief and messy sexual encounter. It was not planned, it was my first time ever touching anyone else sexually, was rough, and neither of us had much experience. Consent was given, and the encounter only lasted maybe 15 minutes. I will not go into graphic detail for the sake of privacy, but it was a hands only encounter and I was actively encouraged to continue what I was doing. Unfortunately Austin ended up with some concerning physical issues afterwards, and my area lacks an urgent care so we went to the ER the following day. He ended up with a UTI and diagnosed bruising. The bleeding was an abrasion from my uncut long fingernails. I was in attendance for his physical exam. I even consulted a nurse I knew to figure out what happened and I was assured bleeding is normal and is an unfortunate thing that happens with such a vascularized place. We discussed everything that happened at length, Austin did not express any upset with me at any time, and we spoke about it quite often. It became a point of sexual interest for our relationship moving forward, including with his own initiation. I was reassured many times that he enjoyed it, he had fun, and that he was okay. He never told me that we miscommunicated. Austin even posted a photo of me crying in the hospital room with him to talk about me as a caring partner at the time it happened. I have a collection of evidence to reinforce the consensual nature, the discussions we had afterwards, his reassurance and my expressions of remorse. I would never hurt someone on purpose. I would never violate someone I love in a manner that causes them harm for malicious reasons. I felt immense guilt for it, I took no pleasure in making Austin hurt at all. I apologized profusely when we were in the ER together. I will not accept the defamation of my character over a fully consensual sexual encounter without being able to explain what actually happened. I wish that Austin would have spoken to me if he felt this way at the time, but he didn't. There is no reason for this to be portrayed in the manner it is being painted. It was two 19 year olds having inexperienced and bad sex over 4 years ago. I do not deserve to be demonized for an accident. This has taken an extreme toll on my mental health and I am going to step away for a while until I am in a better place. I appreciate those of you who understand how private of a situation this is and see how far this has spiraled beyond reason.