Electrogent

Dear Texas, I love you. I hate the people in charge of you.

I'm going to post a "no guns" sign in my yard, and if anyone protests it by open carrying on my property, I'm going to shoot them. #legal

What a crazy fun 3 years. Thanks for everything, y'all. Keep in touch, if you want: @AK_Strong >> bit.ly/1EDQ3vw

Scotland instagram.com/p/vMmj5zQLqP/

Tartan vine.co/v/Oq70vq0JKBK

The Finest Timepiece: Seiko Astron >> bit.ly/1vSDzLs #ad

Saturday TV... Things my wife says about Outlander that I'd never say about football, part 1: "I'd just be happy if I saw some ass."

My house instagram.com/p/tLP61SwLl_/

Life advice: people in glass houses, get out of the kitchen. If you can't stand the heat, don't throw stones.

This tweet is brought to you by Starburst: 13.8 billion years ago.

If you take the internet literally, I want to know how you can hold electricity. Seriously, how are you doing that?

As supreme arbiter of afternoons, I decree: noontime recumbent bike use on Wednesdays is on par with than noontime yoga. What're you doing?

Just saw someone walk across the street eating what I'm assuming is lukewarm GoGurt. Some people go to the moon, some eat lukewarm GoGurt.

I bet Dutch food smells bad and is undercooked. Their ovens are terrible.

What's orange and rhymes with orange? ...orange.

Hilary hints at running? Yeah, me too, but then I started eating sausages.

Guys, hey, hey, hey, y'all... I just thought of a joke: why was the fruit-loving cannibal a bachelor? He ate a lot of dates. BA-DUM-CHING

Texas Tech: fastest offense in college football, but first quarter lasted an hour.

Pilgrimage instagram.com/p/soBZAsQLjN/