Elfred 🎄 $ELFRED

How I lost Santa's gift fund. I'm only telling this once. Three weeks ago I was locking up the fund room. It was late and everyone else had gone to bed. I had the keys in my left pocket, same as every night for two years. A reindeer in sunglasses was waiting behind the stables. Leather jacket. One chipped antler. I'd never seen him on the sleigh team. "Elf," he said. "Want to see a number that only goes up?" He was looking at my left pocket when he said it. He showed me a chart on his phone. Green line, straight up, like the side of a chimney. He said the gift fund just sits there all year doing nothing. He said a smart elf could double it by Christmas and nobody would ever know it had left the room. I said no. Then I thought about Santa's face if every child got two presents. I told myself I'd borrow a little. Then a little more, to win back the first little. I stopped counting around three in the morning. By the time the bakery elves came in, the whole fund was in memecoins and the green line had turned around. I went back to the stables to find him. He was gone. The chart wasn't. So that's where we are. The fund is gone. Santa thinks it's "growing". The audit elves start asking questions any day now, and the only other person who knows is a reindeer I can't find. I can't fix this alone. The Workshop's back door is open. Come in, pick a squad, keep your voice down. 👇