40yo / M I want to die
Joined February 2022
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About to turn 40.
My life NEVER began. And it's long since been over.
I am ready to die. I am afraid and defeated.
I can feel that there are ONLY worse and worse things in store. And my WHOLE LIFE has be a complete disaster already.
this year:
- A/C broke. Twice.
- Leaky pipe from city water to my house.
- Hailstorm so I had to get a new roof.
- Refrigerator's slow death has reached the end
What the fuck is next
Existence is too fucking expensive and impossible
earlier this year I thought about getting a cheap heat press so I could make some T-shirt designs, get them printed at a DTF (direct-to-film) shop and print one-offs for myself.
Because I am fat and have to get very specific fat-guy t-shirts
inside the house as a new roof is being put on today
at the stage where they're nailing new shingles in with nailgun
sounds like a warzone in here, lemme tell ya
My job got a new discount program for Employees with deals for other companies. It's helpful for restaurants and movies.
But there's an offer for disneyworld. "Up to $82 off!"
Seems as good of a deal as a coupon offering $3 off the purchase of a new car.
some asshole rang my doorbell and woke me up from a nap and now i've felt like shit for the past hour
there is nothing in life that doesn't make me desperate to kill myself
i hate every moment of every day. i hate everything about this miserable and wicked world.
i hate myself.
i hate being scared, and sick, and lonely, and a failure, and anxious and hopeless
let me die
seems like the only goal humanity has in the 21st century is to make life utterly unbearable
with a gleeful smile
fine. take this shitty world & do what you want. there was NEVER a place for me in this life to begin with
just do me the favor & put me out of fucking misery.
ready for this motherfucker to blow up the earth
but it'd me luck that the "5 minutes" it should take would be 1000 years
thanks for nothing, asshole
if you poop from your butt
you're a piece of shit
everyone poops
therefore everyone is disgusting filthy feces
shithole planet
As someone who has been addicted to being online since like 1994
I feel like the alternate universe where the World Wide Web was never invented is, on the whole, a utopian paradise compared to the real-life hellscape we're in now
been sick for 2 1/2 weeks. almost got better then got way worse on sunday.
some things are getting better. but i have constant insane pain in my head that's gotten much, much worse
here's hoping it's a brain tumor. not fair to feel like dying without the actual reward of death
"Security" is asinine.
Try to use "Find My Phone"
But to verify it's me when I sign in, I NEED TO ACCESS THE PHONE THAT'S LOST
fucking STUPID
work switched to a new payroll system/app & it's been a mess every step of the way.
first paycheck deposited since the switch.
80% higher than it should be.
this is going to be a pain, maybe more than if it had been short. because one way or another it'll have to be paid back