CannibusLecter

They should make a Jurassic Park movie where all the dinosaurs and humans get along and the park runs just fine. I’m tired of this

My son says his documentary about me is going well, and that he’s getting a lot of good footage

You can just say you know karate, no one checks

I sense much karate in you

You can just keep buying pets. Even if you don’t take care of the pets you already own. Literally no one will stop you from buying more pets

“Again the woman threw her drink in my face. Red wine rolled down my chin and stained my favorite tie. ‘I think there’s been a misunderstanding,’ I told her. ‘I said I’d like to have sex with you.’” - Excerpt from ‘That Time I Went to a Bar.’ (Link in the reply below…) ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Pouring warm Fresca on my genitals in remembrance of the last time I did this

Just won an argument in my head so I’m treating myself to a sex worker