I was a big fan of The Mamas. The Papas were holding them back.

Spectrum was down in my area for a few hours earlier today, keeping me off-line. Its been the best day of my life.

Everyone agrees, Pumpkins are the scariest vegetable. Like, its not even a contest. Especially when you carve a happy face on one??? Chilling....

Digger didn’t do well? Did they remember to show a montage of Tom Cruise’s whole career before the movie started ?

Hey, you know what ELSE is weird about Dracula? The dude sleeps in a full tuxedo... Man, Dracula. What a weird guy, right?

Wishing you an easy fast, and the strength to forgive others and yourself.

You guys ever been in the middle of watching Star Trek, and then think "I cant wait to watch more Star Trek?"

Humans gotta hum, people gotta peep. It's what they do.

Fun Fact: The Emmys occur once every 3.5 weeks.

You guys just don't understand! I'm an Aries! That means I feel stuff about things!!

“A mere redrawing of borders, a change in governments, those things can never faze a Jewess with a good supply of hand wipes in her bag.” -Michael Chabon

I want to assure all the women I’ve taken on dates recently that I too thought I would be taller. You and I are aligned on this.

I don’t care how sordid they are, 4 rooms?! in Chelsea?! For 2 single girls is pretty good.

I dunno, Young MC. You're trying to tell me Larry, my best friend Harry's brother... wants ME to be the best man at his wedding??? I mean, I like Larry. But he has to have friends who he's closer to than I am! Did he even ask Harry!? Also, why didn't Larry just ask me himself??

This is what the weather was like the day Gozer showed up.

If I go by a fake name for my restaurant reviews, I’m using a Nomme de Nom

Quick question for everyone; am I hungry?

“Would you like to have a drink sometime?” “I don’t really dri—“ “COFFEE! I meant coffee!” “Ah, I see you’ve played ‘Suggest-The-Exact-Right-Activity’ before...”

Physically incapable of typing the letters T, H and E in sequence.

"Violators will be Toad" - The no parking sign outside the coven

Now that people are back in movie theaters, can we normalize throwing popcorn at people who are on their phones?