Greg Feist

Suggestions for getting 2 minors out of ORD? Wait 5 days for next @united flight, have them walk to ATL, or have them rent a car in 9 years

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It's been so long since I last tweeted that Mitt Romney was actually a thing way back then.

"Mitt, I'll stick with you like white on unbelievably caucasian." - Paul Ryan

Lucky for Cedric the Entertainer he wasn't born Cedric the Tax Accountant.

Is the world ready for another Step Up sequel based on flash mobs? I mean, perhaps when they were relevant 3 years ago, but now?

I can't listen to Boston's "More Than a Feeling" without picturing @donald_faison lip-synching it.

Hollywood is so obsessed with sequels, I expect to see The King's Peach, a monarch's search for the perfect hand fruit

Gonna make a concerted effort to reach 500k followers by the end of the year. Unrelated goal: gonna try to get to 5 by the end of the week.

A friend helps you move. A good friend helps you move a body. A great friend helps you move twice in one weekend.

The Boy Scouts suggest kids discuss sexuality with spiritual leaders. Smart. Who better than priests to discuss sex with kids?

Instead of French-inspired, made-in-China Polo gear, our Olympians should wear what regular Americans do: "cookie pants" and shame.

People will retweet any damn thing just because a celebrity tweeted it.

Why does the beer on Cheers look more delicious than any beer I've ever had?

If soft-core porn is to be believed, women really must like having a flaccid penis rubbing against their tailbones.

Sandusky is on suicide watch. I know a lot of people who would be willing to watch that happen.

The Heat and LeBron deserved to win. Of course, the Cavs didn't deserve to get ass-raped on national tv, so you know...