HalfTangible

#HarryPotter #HarryPotterfanfiction You are Norma Teach. A young, pretty, optimistic but otherwise normal witch professor at Hogwarts. And you LOVE your job! Who wouldn't? Dumbledore is the hero of the Wizarding World, and he's so amazing and awe inspiring. And he fought You-Know-Who and all and won World War II against his ex-boyfriend (which is kind of weird but whatever!) He's so nice and his eyes twinkle and he's just a big old softie! And then he decides, out of the blue, to hire a former racist terrorist to be Potions Master! Like, that's literally what he is! He has murdered women and children! For being Muggleborn! He had a creepy obsession with Lily Potter, who his boss murdered! (And don't tell me nobody knew or speculated, I have been a teacher, it is NOTHING but gossip). And more than that! This guy is still acting like the Pureblood bigoted terrorist he IS! He's teaching the Slytherins to be utter DICKS to everyone not of Pureblood! Or at least, not stopping them from being dicks because of that! He's turned the Points System into a petty game just to let his House win! When you talk to him about this, he just sneers and insults you and is an utter dick and doesn't seem to realize we're supposed to be teaching kids and NOT acting like them! Because he's still a terrorist dickbag! So you go to Dumbledore and he offers a lemon drop and you politely say no and then you say "Headmaster! I really respect you, you're amazing and awesome, and I love my job! But why in the hell did you hire a TERRORIST to teach children?! Why is he not in jail?!" And Dumbledore goes "He's seen the error of his ways." And you're like "Okay, so, did he turn in a lot of his fellow Death Eaters? Did he save children? Did he invent a potion to fix the after effects of the Crutacious Curse? Something?" And Dumbledore is like: "Well no... He did actually murder and torture a LOT of people. Like, so many. But he was my spy in Voldemort's camp." And you're like: "For how long?" And Dumbledore is like: "He became my spy right after Voldemort was killed." And you're like: "Are you kidding me?! He became your spy right after the war was OVER and HIS SIDE LOST?!" Dumbledore is like: "Yeah. Yeah, it worked out pretty nicely. And then I decided to make him a teacher and let him be around children." And you're like: "WHY?!" And Dumbledore is like: "Please trust me, everything is fine." But everything is totally NOT fine. And you keep trying to talk to Dumbledore because you are a good teacher, and you respect Dumbledore, but why, oh why, is he letting this guy do as he pleases?! Potions used to be so much fun! It's such an important subject! You care, man, YOU CARE! And you see Snape running off to speak with Dumbledore in secret all the time and they keep you out of these meetings and nothing changes! Dumbledore keeps promising things will change but he keeps everyone else out of his plans! Even Minerva McGonnagal, his second in command! You respect this lady so much too! But when you talk to her about the literal baby murdering terrorist teaching at this school, SHE says "Trust Dumbledore!" And the DADA teacher keeps leaving or dying or being mysteriously replaced by a mannequin that's also a sex doll every year! The whole Defense against the Dark Arts program is a joke! Your colleagues from other nations are laughing at your shitstain of a school, and Hogwarts, oh, Hogwarts used to be wonderful! It used to be tops! But now it's just some sad joke, but maybe, maybe things will get better! And the years go by and things do not get better, they just get worse! And you really keep trying to care but damnit, isn't Dumbledore supposed to be a schoolteacher? What's the deal? You just want to teach kids and help them grow up into amazing, wonderful adults and show them how amazing magic is! That's your dream! And then Harry Potter comes along and shit gets REALLY FUCKING CRAZY, man. I mean SO Crazy! Dumbledore makes you make a trap for something! Some kind of giant puzzle, with a door guarded by a Cerberus! IN A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN! Someone sets Snape on fire, and you see it's a student and you realize "This, this was inevitable. It is only surprising it didn't happen sooner. This school should have like ten shooters, the pressure is so high!" You even tell Dumbledore "You've got to do something sir! It's only a matter of time before some kid starts blasting heads off! They'll start with Snape but who knows where it will end?!" He offers you a lemon sherbert. You sigh and say no thanks. Finally at the end of the year, it turns out that Dumbledore was hiding the Philosopher's Stone, the ultimate Cheat Code, right in Hogwarts. I mean, it's not surprising that You-Know-Who was after it. It's surprising that You-Know-Who was on the back of a fellow Teacher's head the whole time (That guy was actually nice. Stuttered a lot but you had staff meetings and he even got you all some Danish pastries once.) That guy is dead. Harry Potter, HARRY FUCKING POTTER, murdered him. With his bare hands. Like, what the hell? How? Why? WHAT? And he gets awarded points for it! HOUSE POINTS! Just because apparently Snape and Dumbledore have this weird House Cup thing going where Dumbledore let Snape cheat the system blatantly for years but now, Dumbledore is just gonna cheat right back! Right at the last moment! You can see Slytherin students FLINCHING whenever he says "HOWEVER!" Is this how it ends?! Shouldn't we call the Aurors? Shouldn't Harry get looked over by actual Healers and not just the school nurse? When will Snape get set on fire again?! You try one last time to talk to Dumbledore about this, like you are basically BEGGING him to make some sense out of all of this. You are SO respectful, you are trying not to think that he's insane or evil, you are really trying. HE OFFERS YOU A LEMON SHERBERT. You finally quit. Not your job, no, you can't. The job market for wizard teachers in Britain is awful right now. But you quit trying. Dumbledore's got this incomprehensible game going on involving everyone as a chess piece. Harry Potter is part of it. You don't know the details, you don't think you'll ever know, you're just tired, man. You're tired. You go and just get some drinks at the Hogshead. Hagrid says "Yeah, an I hatched a dragon this year too!" "Of course you fucking did," you mutter, before you pound back the hardest stuff you can afford. Later... Norma: "Professor McGonnagal, you're my idol! I worked so hard to be just like you! Tell me! How do you deal with all of the Headmaster's madness?!" McGonnagal: "That's actually very simple, my dear!" McGonnagal pulls out a bottle of the hardest scotch whiskey known to man, in a never ending bottle, and begins to chug right from it. She keeps doing this for a few minutes before Norma goes: "OH. Okay, so that's your actual answer." "Oh, that's not all," Minerva added. "Really?" "I also lie to myself. Every day I wake up and tell myself that everything will be fine. Everything will be sane and make perfect sense. I know it's a lie, but it helps me keep some small scraps of sanity. Any other questions?" "Is it too late for me to quit?" "Probably. Would you like your own bottle?" "Yes please."