Apparently I drunk-ordered a pair of Reebok’s.

At least I have Hunter.

This guy just needs UM to win it all and find out the NIL money came from cocaine and healthcare fraud so he can be relevant again.

Chasing the ghost of @jwalkermobile

Just got a skincare facial and they used… salmon sperm? Feeling violated.

It’s incredible that the single greatest account on Twitter is “the menswear guy”

We need a slur for people you barely have a relationship with and constantly send you terrible memes.

Rihana is my guilty pleasure 🥺

This man at the gym is grunting and moaning like a Roman gladiator. I would simply stay home.

Adults who jump rope well are very impressive.

My son’s 2nd grade teacher pulled me and another father aside at field day to tell us we have nice legs. I’m ordering shorter shorts. #takethewins

A soft taco at its best is superior to a hard taco. But a soft taco requires immediate attention to achieve its potential, whereas a hard taco can be transported and neglected, and still shine.

For whom the (taco) bell tolls….

Who is keeping grape flavored things in business?!

Standing in front of the fridge, door open, eating cold pasta with my bare hands. Like a domesticated raccoon.