Claire Hooper Fables

Funniest song ever? I picked mine. tonedeaf.com.au/417344/7-fun…

Dearest loves. If the two month gaps between fables are too much for you, follow me at @TheClaireHooper for tweets I don't work as hard on.

Larry the Llama tried to call his ma back after they got cut off, but she called him at the same time. Moral: Be cool. Be the one who waits.

"I don't care which biscuits. You pick! YOU'LL EAT THEM ALL ANYWAY." barked the dog at his wife. Moral: don't shop when you need the loo.

HOT! @LizCahalan

"This phone seems to be broken." said Kevin the Horse to the Telstra guy. Moral: Throwing your phone won't make it load youtube any faster.

Badger offered to help with his wife's stories. Sadly, his writing, whilst 'good for a badger', was not good enough. Moral: No sex tonight.

WADE: "New shirt, new strides, I look great!" Said bill bear. "You look like a dickhead" said bob rabbit. Moral: strides are a great word.

Little Hen thought that skulling 600mL of iced coffee would impress them. They just dared her to skull a 2nd. Moral: Don't give em ideas.

Sally sheep asked her boyfriend how she looked. "Not baaaad" he said. Moral: puns make everything great. (Another one from Wade.)

Wade: "How do you know if you've shat yourself" asked tony the turtle. His friend terry just walked away. Moral. Don't shit yourself.

My husband, Wade, has taken over fable writing for a week. Enjoy.

Meg's affair was up when she coughed up a ginger furball in front of her tabby girlfriend. Moral: If yo gon' stray, go the hairless pussy.