The Giant Peach Himself

“I don’t know much to say on that, I’m just making psychological observations mainly”

The masculine urge when you see a woman in a big pickup truck to adopt an old coal miners voice and say thems some big wheels for ya lil missy

Depressionista: a person who gets dressed up overly nice for their trip to Trader Joe’s

I don’t remember when bath time got canceled for me as a child but it was probably traumatic. Like one day my parents just looked at me and said good luck bud don’t fuck up tomorrow or no one will go near your dick for 18 years. Like I just learned not to shampoo every day wtf

Being PC on the Internet is so hard when billionaires are killing themselves in the funniest ways possible

I don’t really know what a pick me is, but having been a please don’t pick me most of my life I’m disgusted

I think the best way we’ve found to tell old people the way they went about solving problems in the past was fucked up is to give old movies sequels. And while that’s perfectly understandable. It makes for a pretty shit movie.

I don’t think I know any GOOD movies with a sequel that didn’t have an intended sequel already planned🤔

There’s having low standards and then there’s having feelings for someone whos recorded a griddy video

I think when my life truly took a turn for the worse was when attack of the show went off air

I want to talk about that satisfying feeling you get when you wrap a hotdog in aluminum foil and some hours later you go to eat it and you unwrap it and it’s still as nice and warm as when you put it in

I would rather have a Tommy burger then a Gordon Ramsay burger but I don’t see my boy Tommy with half a dozen TV shows. Shout out grandma‘s boy

Throwback to that time in middle school I was catfished into going to church

There’s nothing uglier in this world than a non beige Corolla

Do not call them sky waitress, they don’t like it when you call them sky waitress

You ever just be driving and you look up and your driving

Y’all remember when Harry was on liquid luck just vibing not putting up with no shit. That but 2023

The university buys cheap Baltimore houses, refurbishes them, and sells them at a discount to medical personnel. Isn’t that grand