JasonLastname

If a shark attacks you, DO NOT punch him in the nose. Be the bigger person and just ignore him.

Why can’t we just spell it restront

embarrassed by ED, sure, but viagra is a hard pill to swallow

I’ll have a manhattan but make it a double. A menhattan.

How the heck is a group of possums not called a posse

The gr8est. @Capitals @ovi8

Can’t spell flamingo without flaming am I right

Is Eloise just an electronic Louise?

Who called it Cialis and not Reserrection

Are dyslexic people triggered by November 9th?

In: devil, details Out: baby, bathwater

Does my dog like when I wag her tail for her? Guess I’ll never know.

It’s 5’o’clock everywhere

I don’t care what era Forrest Gump grew up, he’ll always be Gen A

It’s not the heat it’s the humanity

Is Mac Miller short for Macklemore Miller

I don't appreciate when people say the parachute "failed" when maybe it just needs a second chance.

Is the past tense of troubleshoot troubleshat?

Been thinking about Jeremy and when he bit the recess lady’s breast. How’s that recess lady doing? Did she get workers comp?

She was just Susan Komen before she moved to LA