Jasper Electric

Follow me and you’ll have 9 minutes of incredible luck.

I did a little time traveling. Enjoy, America.

Did you know @AdamSandler is 98% sand?

Remember: If you go number 2 at 2:22pm on 2/22/22 — all your wildest dreams will come true.

ears are the windows to the brain

if you can’t take the heat get out of the volcano

when in doubt, rainbow trout.

there’s too many days in a year

There’s some funny business happening in the sky currently.

she said yes!!! I asked if she’s been here before

My unborn children are so ungrateful

earth has a nice ass

If this gets 300 retweets, I’ll transform into a passive aggressive glow-in-the-dark poodle. Thanks.

Ummmm @redlobster - why is there a piece of cinnamon toast crunch in my endless shrimp platter?

Brought my $1400 stimmy to the bank and traded it for 28,000 nickels just to feel something.

O’Soulja Lad: Pinch Me Thru the Zoom ☘️

just found 3 bitcoins under my couch cushion 🙌

Hi, I would like to apply for the position of Mr. MacKenzie Scott.

I eat crayons so my inner child has something to play with

I’m practicing abstinence 😞