Jules

Narcissists often use withholding tactics to assert control. By withholding important things, necessities or information, they create a power dynamic where they appear as the one in control. When you ask for what you need, they might portray you as the demanding one, flipping the situation to maintain their dominance and avoid responsibility.

In narcissistic family systems, the truth-teller gets publicly labeled as: “a liar” “Delusional” “Crazy” / “mentally unstable” “Dangerous” “Abusive” “Too sensitive” / “overly emotional” “Dramatic” / “attention-seeking” “Paranoid” “Unreliable” / “untrustworthy” “Negative” / “always causing problems” “Difficult” / “combative” “Disrespectful” / “ungrateful” “Selfish” / “narcissistic” (projection is very common) “Playing the victim” “Misremembering” / “imagining things” “Holding grudges” “Overreacting” “Unhinged” “Jealous” “Manipulative” (another frequent projection) “The problem child” / “black sheep” “Always stirring up drama” “Needs help” (used dismissively rather than compassionately)

There’s a reason the scapegoat struggles to heal even after leaving the family: they weren’t just abused and hurt. They were redefined. The narcissistic family doesn’t only wound you. It replaces your identity with a curated story about you—one written entirely by people invested in your smallness. You’re not allowed a narrative where you are reasonable, perceptive, or wronged. Every piece of evidence that might support your version gets absorbed into theirs: Your grief becomes “instability.” Your memory becomes “distortion.” Your anger becomes “proof.” This is why no-contact is often the only path forward—not because distance heals the wound, but because you cannot reconstruct a self while still living inside someone else’s story about who you are. The exit isn’t abandonment of family. It’s reclamation of authorship.

Malignant narcissist parents will abuse their scapegoat child into PTSD or depression or other signs of psychological abuse trauma, Then they will use that trauma to make it look like the child had inherent mental problems. (Bipolar has been a popular choice among abusive parents) This only compounds the effects of the abuse and traumatizes the victim further. The people that do this to their children are literally monsters, but they will play the victim or the "hero parent" who is doing "everything they can" to help their "troubled child". This abuse tactic needs to be shut down and the only way we can even begin is if it becomes common knowledge that people learn not to fall for. We need to start holding these abusers accountable.

Narcissists are trolls. They live to provoke a negative response out of you. That’s their joy. That’s what makes them feel accomplished. Now you might be thinking, “well it just sounds like deep down they’re hurt and desperate for some compassion.” Yeah, we’ve tried that. Showing them humanity or compassion only seems to make you a bigger target. 🤷🏽‍♂️

The narcissist’s accusations are also their confessions. Literally, to the letter. It’s the weirdest thing to watch it in action. They will accuse their victim of abuse when they are the ones doing the abusing, They will accuse their victim of lying, as they are lying about it, They will accuse their victim of DARVO, and in doing so they are actually engaging in DARVO themselves.