PHAINON'S LEFT BALL 😁

Hello! A tweet bomb is ready After showing up on X long time away, i've been quite shocked. I’ve been very distant from social media and public touch for many years, and my life has been a lot more peaceful and enjoyable since. So I’ll do a first and last honest post in last decade, where I can address some things honestly It started all the way from 2016. When joining LEC back then I had no big hype around me or my team, and I went on to perform very well in my first split and even winning it against then Worlds semifinalist Origen, with all of the amazing and experienced players on that roster. We got zven and mithy in the middle of the year which is an insane thing to actually think about, and yes I did poach them and yes I would do it all over again 10 times. *digression* We went to disneyland this bootcamp, it was amazing, and it really reminded me of my public perception as well, It’s like a rollercoaster, where people at times were very admiring of me and giving me all the glaze, and at the same time also ready to turn on me the next day. As a 17 year old kid getting a lot of hate messages, and even death threats, was waking up days after MSI, rapidly progressed my hair loss :) , even now thinking about it I'm smiling thinking how big of a shock that was for a teenager to go through. I was craving public adoration and praises, so in a way it did fuel my desire to be loved by others. For many years it’s been ups and downs while mostly being one the most loved players in the west. I started realizing its becoming very very toxic for me, when after winning MSI in 2019 I was reading comments that were heavily upvoted; such as that I’m getting carried and that it’s crazy that I won MSI as ADC. I understood those comments came from hatred and jealousy, all because I decided to have a cocky persona from the first time I got to LEC. I always understood that esports is entertainment, creating hype and rivalries (thinking Rekkles when i roleswapped adc) and the more eyes that would go to my tweets more eyes would go to the game, and the better I performed the more people would be interested, both in success and the downfall. It was the driving factor in my branding. It definitely started changing a lot when my father passed away in 2020. The change took time but the reality is that everybody cares about the outside opinion, learned that even more when I left esports and spent a lot more time in “real life”, and not in esports competitions and branding bubbles. The vitality times was also pretty miserable, as I did my fucking best every single day, to reach Rank 1 of the LEC multiple times, just for some crazy insane circumstances that are totally out of my human control happen, just for us to mega tank and flunk the season 2x in a row. It really destroyed me mentally after years of success. The hatred there - I felt was quite unjusitifed, given that the contracts were just leaking, narratives created saying I only cared about money, and I did not care about the team or the game. League of legends was everything in my life, it was the only thing I lived to do, entertain, create hype, things to talk about, meet fans in real life and taking pictures with another human being, while putting smiles on their faces. I spent over 60 000 hours, playing, scrimming, thinking, talking, dreaming and shitting about league. The only player I’ve ever met in my entire life that is more committed to the game than myself was Caps. I got forced out of my region to go NA, and won my first split there, going out of groups after a horrible 0-3 start. And OFCOURSE money played a big part - Would I have gone to a different team offering me 50% less???? NO. No one would and I do not regret it at all lol. Did I go there thinking I was gonna win LEC and go to worlds and make Europe proud one more time ? Yes. 100% Meeting my wife and having somebody so important and precious in my life, has definitely minimised my need for such adorations, and made my life a lot more in the moment, focused and enjoyable. There is always going to be haters and I’m not here to please everyone, neither is my will or intention to do so, everyone is different and while some people will sympathise and/or agree with me, the others will hate me for it. I’m writing this as there are some insanely fake narratives and storylines being written about me as a person, not even aiming or addressing those as “ a player”. It would appear that liking literally a few tate memes back in the day, I don’t know exactly (2022?), when twitter likes were visible - created a small bubble of narratives and hatred that apparently grew a lot bigger and a lot stronger - given the new algorithm that’s been released on the social media in the last year or so, the For you page. Even with the fact that I was literally away from esports for 2 years. The lengths humans will go to literally hate somebody, while flashing their virtue values about so many TOPICS! Is insanely baffling to me. I’m gonna write these things not because I want to be loved and adored by lot, but because I do not want people who have supported me, get distorted views on who I am, defending myself against unjustified accusations, narratives and stories that are not just NOT true, but also completely wrong and go against everything that I believe and stand in as a person. If I knew that this would blow up so much, I would’ve addressed it a long time ago. --------------------------------------- I’m writing it so that at the very least you can hate me for what I really stand for and then that's completely fine by me. ---------------------------------------------------------- I don’t like, support, or stand with tates. I hate most of the things they say (besides guys go to gym or do exercise!! Good tip), dislike their views of life, they are just fake and also bought by the same matrix they are”escaping” =), hypocritical behaviours and statements, wrongful teachings to younglings about women. And many more things that really disgusted me about them. I did like a few memes, my “fucking bad lol”, memed around and joked as people do, and most of your beloved and most cherished pro players did as well, as it was a big topic back in the days. We love to meme and talk about everything that’s meta, just like every group of guys do with their friends. Me standing up for Carlos publicly when he was being cancelled has nothing to with all the things I’m all accused of supporting, trafficking ? misogyny ? nazism? War? Are you ok? Carlos believed in me when nobody else did, I did not have a close relationship with my family when I was 16, including my parents I was not too close with either. He called me on skype on face cam when I rejoined G2 in march 2015, telling me “Listen Perkz, You are gonna be a superstar, You are so fucking good and smart, that I’m gonna help you become the best player in the world”. Those words sounded like, whether they were or not, like they came from a place of honesty and true support. And while he might’ve been an ass to some of the people working with him or for him, he was nothing but supportive towards me, my needs and problems, and the willingness to do whatever it took to win, F:E:(Getting zven and mithy between the fucking splits, and that was just the first splti of us in LEC) Back then zven was the Caliste of today ;) I even went to his house for 10 days in winter because I did not feel super comfortable at home. He was a good mentor to me and the friendship/ mentorship was what mattered a lot to me, even though I hated for the way he behaved when I was getting kicked of G2, not showing up on a call, ghosting me for 3 days straight and being such a fucking pussy, but I get it now that he did it because he was a coward and did not have the strenght in him to at he very least talk to me himself. Carlos and I have gone both completely different ways. He is his own person and I’m completely my own. In the end Carlos’ ego is something that put an end to his esports career which was fucking insane. So there is a lesson to be learned in there as well. We have a lot of different views on life. So now that we are at views of life - let me just state what they are since there is a lot of uncertainty and fake news going around that. --------------------------------------------------------- Let's go onto who I am and what I believe in. I believe in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I’m catholic, I grew up in a religious household and went to church every week. My family was dysfunctional, and I did not even know what that was or meant until I moved out and went to berlin in 2016. Knewing when it was last game with that team (2017 groups), made me cry my eyes out on stage because that team was a family to me. But I did not truly have a relationship with God, until just a few years ago. And thats when life really started to get interesting. Does that make me a better person than X;Y? No, in fact I know and understand I’m a sinner, have a lot of flaws and need God’s grace to help me and grant me peace. I love my wife. There is nothing on the earth I would not do for her, she is the most beautiful, strongest, loving person I’ve ever met, and she is a lot better human than I am, and I’m grateful for her love and care every single day. My life is about 10x better since she is in it, and I did not even know that was possible. She builds me to become a better person than I could ever be without her. Four years in very soon and I cannot believe that time passes so fast. She was my first girlfriend and will be my only one. I don’t really do politics, nor have I even ever voted once in my life. I do have opinions and I wish I was more educated on the topic, but the truth is I’m not so I stay away from it. There are some things I stand for, very simple things in life, but the only thing that is unshakeable for me how its so widely accepted in public is abortion, I cannot comprehend how people do not understand that is a muder, as life is created at conception. That is one view I will die by and never change. So then again. I don’t like trump or kamala, honestly both are pretty fucking bad and horrible choices to be rulers of the most powerful country in the world. But thats a whole different topic. I’m not a putin fanboy nor a russian soldier. Sounds crazy that I feel like I should even write this one. I do not support war nor want to see people die. I’m obviously not pro Israel and the genocide happening in Palestine. Nor do I know or have any more knowledge on the topic. I don’t like pop songs nor mainstream media. :) I think there is no need to go into more details, you can paint the picture you want now. My words are at the very least out there. So people can go back to the source material. (Tweetlonger!) The only thing I do regret is not taking care of my discord, after the whole G2 thing happened, it felt like I just let it slowly die, which I did, because there was an awesome community building there. It was just very hard for me to jiggle personal relationships, problems and traumas, with commitment to the teams that I was putting my 95% of my life in. I do want to thank everyone who's been a part of that. And sorry for letting you guys down. It was just too much for me to be disociate from social media. And be active anywhere else. -------------------------------------------------------- Onto the recent ! Year and a half ago, I invested in a company - Friendly fire. Which is a gaming cafe franchise. We sell gaming cafes all around the world - where the whole focus is to afford cheap, friendly and safe environments where kids and grownups alike can do their favorite hobby - gaming - TOGETHER. It was an amazing experience learning a lot about business working alongside my partner and CEO David, that taught me a lot of things, and was super interested working in such an amazing start up. An opportunity came along after a call with Alban regarding it, and I took the job. While I was happy working outside of esports. It was also not fully fulfilling, as I had gained so much knowledge and experience in my expertise, that it would be a shame to not pass onto next generations. It would be selfish of me to keep it all for myself. The return was honestly about giving back - that I gained from esports and all the fans for the past decade. My announcement was honestly quite poorly handled from G2’s side, and I felt like I was thrown a bit under the bus. The motive was clean - help Caps, and help the team become the best they can be. When I joined, things were pretty rough on the inside. I did the best of my capabilities to boost gameplay knowledge, mood and morale of the team. I got asked to do HC position because the team needed a change. Summer was extremely productive and hopeful. We had an almost flawless playoffs run and all of our wins were very dominant. We worked a lot on champion pools, macro concepts and goals for weeks of scrims, and even stage games, I was super happy with everyone’s work. I was telling my team after the series; you guys are fucking insane, let’s win worlds. Because I truly believed we could do it. Losing out in groups was just heartbreaking, in the end we did not do good enough. But that’s life of competition. Did I do the perfect job in the last months? Probably not, but I can say I did the best that I could and every day was given effort and love and care towards all the players, with 12-14hours spent with them every day in the bootcamp and worlds alike. Can’t say I could’ve done more, only that I could’ve done less but better. There are so many narratives that will go on and be created in the offseason, you can believe what you want to believe. The truth is I came into a broken and dysfunctional team, with a lot of trauma and trust issues, and did my best I could to help everyone, without ever creating any distress or hate between the players and staff, but rather being someone who will address those issues, problem solve how to overcome our challenges and in the end making a team a place where the players can call their players brothers. Now go on and have fun with your offseason narratives. See you on the rift (more like from a side) in 2027!