"You’re right, my next pop-off needs to land someone in the hospital," said Hungrybox, completely derailing what had been an interesting conversation about the joys of fatherhood.

im not upset with you, per se. i'm just disappointed that you exist and that you aren't even apologetic about it.

I visited another fighting game community and asked the Zen master, "are the people in this community nice?" The master asked back, "How were the people from your last game?" "Angry and toxic," I replied. The master smiled. "Then those are the same type of people we have here."

The master pursued me offstage even though I had no chance to recover. "Why did you chase me?" I asked, "I was already dead." The zen master smiled, "You were dead before the game started; the chase is the whole point."

"Why do you play worse the closer you get to the finish line?" the Zen master asked. I thought for a moment and replied, "because I'm afraid to lose." The Zen master smiled. "Are you sure you're not afraid to win?"

"I'm playing terribly," I told my Zen master. "I'm not going to win." "This too shall pass," he replied. That night I won the tournament and raced to tell him, "Thank you for your advice. I cannot tell you how happy I am right now." The master smiled. "This too shall pass."

hiding in the tournament bathroom right now googling “coolest pop offs of 2024 not racist not homophobic very cool but also somehow not racist”