Mark Toner

You don’t have to be completely healed before you can start living again. And you don’t have to be completely healed to help someone else. I’m still learning, growing, and working through my own stuff. I don’t have all the answers, and I never will. Healing isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about learning to understand yourself, giving yourself grace, and continuing to move forward. You're not broken, you're meant to heal.

You're not broken, you're meant to heal.

Self-judgment asks: "What's wrong with me?" Curiosity asks: "What happened to me?" Self-judgment says: "I'm broken." Curiosity says: "My nervous system learned to survive." One path leads to shame. The other leads to understanding. If you want to begin healing, start with curiosity. It may become one of the most powerful tools you'll ever develop. You're not broken, you're meant to heal.

Sexual abuse is a life-altering traumatic experience. It changed my life forever. One of the heaviest beliefs we carry after this trauma is that we’re broken. This is a devastating feeling and it leaves us feeling hopeless. I’m here to tell you that you’re not broken. Your nervous system is doing its job and still trying to protect you. It doesn’t know the threat is over. It continues to scan for danger. Healing is about letting our nervous system know it can feel safe again. You’re not broken, you’re meant to heal.

If you don’t already have one, I recommend that you get a hummingbird feeder and put it somewhere you can see it. Hummingbirds are amazing and they always brighten my day when I see them. You’re not broken, you’re meant to heal.

Healing is going to take courage, bravery, and a warrior spirit. I know that every survivor of sexual abuse has these three things. You're not broken, you're meant to heal.

Trauma taught me to focus on everything that could go wrong. Healing taught me to focus on what I can do next. One mindset creates helplessness. The other creates momentum. When life gets chaotic, ask yourself: "What is one thing I can do right now?" Start there. You’re not broken, you’re meant to heal.

After 20 years, I finally made a decision. I was done. My trauma had already taken enough from me. I wasn't going to give it the rest of my life. I wanted more for myself. I wanted more for my marriage. I wanted more for my children. I wanted to see what my life could actually become. So I made healing personal. I started paying attention to my thoughts. I challenged the beliefs that kept me stuck. I changed the way I talked to myself. I stopped automatically believing every negative thought that entered my mind. And when healing became difficult, I reminded myself what I was fighting for. Healing didn't suddenly become easy. It didn't happen overnight. But something fundamental had changed: I had finally decided that my trauma wasn't going to determine the rest of my life. That decision was a turning point. You're not broken, you're meant to heal.

Your trauma may explain some of your behaviors. It may explain your fears. Your triggers. Your relationships. Your reactions. Your beliefs about yourself. But here's something I want you to remember: Your past can explain you without defining you. You are not the worst thing that happened to you. You are not your trauma. You are not your shame. You are not your survival responses. Those experiences may have shaped you. But they don't have to determine who you become. Healing is the process of taking back that power. One choice at a time. One moment at a time. One small step at a time. You're not broken, you're meant to heal.