The clunk noise got me. Then the second one after he didn’t let go got me again.

Livin’ on the edge.

Genuine question: Is there a product that removes tufts of grass growing through our river stone garden but doesn’t hurt the plants also growing there?

So clever.

Victorian pothole update.

My Grandfather was highly decorated in World War Two. In fact, the army believe it was the tinsel on his helmet that got him shot.

The Victorian police commissioner, Mike Bush, speaks way too slowly. There, I’ve said it. Quickly.

Enjoy your breakfast. The trust in those eyes. And apparently macaques don’t like pineapple.

Deluded old twat.

I think they should tell you when your blueberry muffin is possessed.

I can’t believe he managed to do that.

97% of scientists believe climate change is man-made and causes rising levels of oceans. The other 3% believe Billy Ocean is an ocean.

What kind of cape-wearing, lycra-clad big-arsed birds are flying around Metropolis that when people see Superman up in the sky, everyone’s first guess is “Is it a bird?”

I bet when they painted this Wile E Coyote mural on the wall they didn’t think any road runners would fall for it.

That is one pissed off doll.

About to do the wireless. Tune in. No salesman will visit your home. 3aw.com.au

Dear Ad Agencies, On behalf of dog owners everywhere, please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials. Thankyou.

KFC in China has given the Colonel a more localised look.

Remind you of anybody?

COP: Do you know why I pulled you over? ME: I’m not psychic, Darren. COP: My name is Greg. ME: See?