Matt (@Mattbachus) header
Matt (@Mattbachus) profile picture

Matt

@Mattbachus

Stand up comedian in NY. 10,000 laughs, Limestone, New York, SLO, Red Clay comedy festivals.

 New York, NY
linktr.ee/mattbachus
Joined March 2009
  • Tweets19.7K
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  • Followers1.5K
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Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)Photo by Matt (@Mattbachus)
7 years of living in a windowless room in Brooklyn and I just signed a lease for a place with a window… I’m beyond excited to finally have something to jump out of.
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Zero's back.
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These are the things that Jerry Seinfeld is into:
Image from 679 Enthusiast (@marionumber4)
RT (@RT_com) profile pictureRT@RT_comOct 12
‘IT'S GENOCIDE, I'M INTO IT’ — Jerry Seinfeld DANCES as hecklers shout ‘22,000 Palestinian children dead’ ‘I'm going to find out how much your ticket was & I'm sending it to Israel’ — he responds at his Chicago show ‘Rough the b*tch up’ — audience member as heckler escorted out
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Pacers fans everywhere right now
Image from NBA Memes (@NBAMemes)
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New York Post (@nypost) profile pictureNew York Post
@nypostOct 10
Ex-UFC fighter Tim Kennedy injured in Congo as Blackwater founder Erik Prince's forces take heavy casualties trib.al/eNjed19
Image from New York Post (@nypost)
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Time to reactivate Disney plus
The Associated Press (@AP) profile pictureThe Associated Press
@APOct 8
BREAKING: The Pentagon says it will livestream the firing squad execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Malik Hasan. apnews.com/article/fort-hood…
Pentagon says the firing squad execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Malik Hasan will be livestreamed

Pentagon says the firing squad execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Malik Hasan will be livestreamed

The Pentagon says the firing squad execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Malik Hasan will be livestreamed after Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said the execution would be “public.”

apnews.com
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If billionaires came out and said they were going to hunt us for sport, some of you would defend it by saying: "You’re just mad because you can’t fucking run fast."
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Two 5-0 teams meet in Lincoln next Saturday.
Image from Ben Stevens (@BenScottStevens)
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If y'all nephews and Nieces acting up just show them this
Image from Mesh🇧🇧 (@rahsh33m)
Image from Mesh🇧🇧 (@rahsh33m)
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I wonder if she talks about how he hits his wife in the book
Championship Rounds (@ChampRDS) profile pictureChampionship Rounds
@ChampRDSOct 5
Dana White opens up about his mother's book about him and what led to their falling-out "That's one of the grossest, most disgusting things that you couldn't even imagine possible." (via @StevenBartlett)
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Sorry been slacking
Image from Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci)
Image from Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci)
Image from Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci)
Image from Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci)
Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci) profile pictureMike Abrusci@mikeabrusci25 Oct 2024
Holding up the vintage shirts I buy like guys holding fish they caught in their tinder photos
Image from Mike Abrusci (@mikeabrusci)
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explaining to cam skattebo that he won’t be able to play with jaxson anymore using the same hand signals they used to tell koko the gorilla her cat died
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Every year I hope it’s my last season hearing Chris Collinsworth and it never is
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Everybody hates a smoker until it’s time to light the birthday candles
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It’s kinda fucked up that teachers get paid more than Fantasy Football Commissioners
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The saddest part about Charlie Kirk being killed is that it can only happen once
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If I died today my family would load the dishwasher improperly tomorrow
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I love Dolly Parton more than I love some members of my own family.
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Why Dolly Parton and not Ted Cruz?
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tried my hand at a ziggy cartoon
Image from wyatt dunkin (@WyattDuncan)
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Stavros Halkias on the Riyadh Comedy Festival: “I know it was fucking wrong to do that, I don’t care what those counterarguments are. We’re evil and yeah our foreign policy since WW2 has been ruining the world. There’s no way to look at it any other way in my opinion. We intervene everywhere. This new Iran war. I see their point that you perform in America, but I’m not performing for fucking Donald Trump and his kids. It would be like doing an ICE benefit”
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