Cartwheeling the fine line between stupid and clever
Joined January 2009
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What was my favorite “reaction gif” as a child? Oh Timmy no. When I was your age we had to respond in person, immediately, and we had only three choices— tiny violin, slow clap or jerk off motion. That’s it. 3 choices. You made the call and you made it fast.
Sarah Guzzardo retweeted
Regulators have given the green light for me and a buddy of mine to merge into one guy
Sarah Guzzardo retweeted
doing dishes and had the thought “the sink helps you with water”. such a hauntingly dimwitted sentence to produce that im actually a bit frightened now. there’s no way the brain that produced that thought is capable of making something of my life. time will tell
Sarah Guzzardo retweeted
May we all be as thankful for the little things as my 4-year old was upon receiving this “Hot Cocoa Train" shirt
Kid: A train!! I love it!
Me: Yeah buddy and do you see what it’s carrying?
Kid: [awestruck] ....Dirt!... [overwhelmed with joy].... and EGGS!!!!!!
If this happened to me I would never breathe a word of it to ANYONE. I would burn and bury this secret like a thrice revived horror movie serial killer. I would repress the memory of it so deep I’d forget large swathes of my own childhood and I would be GRATEFUL for the oblivion
Veteran sportscaster Sage Steele has accused the late Barbara Walters of assaulting her backstage during an appearance on "The View."
"She...looked at me and got close and elbowed me, and it pushed me back into the wall and the trash can." bit.ly/3E8NM1n
“Liking yachts” is a psyop or prank rich people are playing on us cmon.
They could do literally anything they want and they’re going to… bob up and down all day like lil sunbaked rubber duckies??? Grow up
Obviously exercise is first on this list but gotta admit I did not see “daily habit” #2 coming…. onE SiMpLe LiFe hACK 🤪 cnbc.com/2023/08/03/8-habits…
7 year old wanted to hear a song from “a Minions movie” (there are 5) did not know lyrics, title, melody or where the song occurred. He said it went “duh duh da duh” and I said
“…I don’t know HOW this could be but is it… the Mission Impossible theme?”
Sherlock could never
🎶”Don’t need to discuss muuuuch” k cool hey Lee? Maybe take the key you’re dropping off (thx btw glad you at least have a sense of moral responsibility to the..landlord?) and use it to unlock the buried and unspoken secrets of the human heart that supposedly exists inside of you
Men will literally create a timeless hit song out of a chill melody and a instructional list of 50 ways to ghost someone instead of going to therapy