Tee Rickey

Ladies and gentlemen, Washington has officially pulled off the greatest political practical joke in American history. Democrats threw themselves a giant fucking victory party after accidentally freeing the president they spent millions trying to politically imprison. Schumer gets the Senate. Jeffries gets the House. Trump keeps the executive branch, existing enforcement authority, and more than $105 billion in previously enacted multiyear immigration funding. Somebody should probably explain that last part before the champagne stains become permanent. Because Democrats are celebrating like they've seized the White House while the Republican congressional circus that spent two years holding Trump's agenda hostage is finally losing its leverage. And what a magnificent collection of useless clowns that was. Fifty-three Republican senators somehow became fifty-three opportunities to demand another concession. Every congressman had a donor to protect, a hometown contractor to shelter, or another bullshit explanation for why Republicans couldn't accomplish what voters elected them to do. The GOP controlled Congress and still managed to turn governing into a three-ring clusterfuck of excuses, delays, and political horse-trading. Now Democrats have effectively relieved Trump of the obligation to keep negotiating with that traveling shitshow. Meanwhile, Schumer is polishing his subpoena machine, Jeffries is rehearsing his stern congressional speeches, and the media is preparing seventeen thousand breathless segments about Trump's supposedly crippled presidency. How fucking adorable. Congressional investigations don't cancel appropriated funding. Committee gavels don't repeal immigration statutes. And a Democratic majority doesn't transform existing executive authority into a decorative souvenir. Trump can concentrate on enforcing existing laws, making agency decisions, and spending authorized funds while Democrats compete for the most dramatic facial expression on cable television. The whole spectacle resembles a bank robbery where the criminals celebrate stealing the vault door while leaving the money, the building, and the keys behind. And the best part? Democrats are throwing their victory parade down Pennsylvania Avenue, congratulating themselves for finally trapping Trump. Behind them, the Republican clown car is upside down, its wheels scattered across the Capitol lawn, fifty-three legislative excuses spilling out of the trunk. And Trump is already driving away. Congratulations, you magnificent fucking idiots. You spent a fortune buying yourselves Congress and accidentally paid to have Trump's biggest political roadblock hauled to the junkyard. (article below)

Welcome, Democrats, to a fucking history lesson courtesy of two presidents you spent years worshipping while Republicans screamed themselves hoarse: Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. Apparently, winning Congress has caused a catastrophic outbreak of political amnesia among the smug assholes currently celebrating Trump's supposed demise. Let's refresh those conveniently defective memories. Clinton faced a hostile Republican Congress, tapped existing Treasury authority to arrange $20 billion in financing for Mexico, and designated 1.7 million acres as Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument. Republicans raised holy hell. Clinton kept right on governing. Then Obama showed up and practically turned the whole arrangement into a fucking art form. Republicans captured the Senate, and Obama proceeded with Cuba normalization, the Iran nuclear agreement, and the Paris climate agreement without submitting those agreements for Senate treaty approval. Congressional Republicans fumed, Democrats applauded, and the political geniuses on the left celebrated the glorious wonders of presidential authority. Remember that shit? Apparently Democrats don't. Because now these arrogant bastards have won Congress and suddenly imagine Chuck Schumer's gavel comes with a magical fucking off switch for the presidency. Here's your reality check, geniuses. Trump still runs the executive branch. Congress has already appropriated more than $105 billion in multiyear immigration-enforcement funding. Existing federal statutes still authorize enforcement, deportation-related measures, administrative decisions, and other executive responsibilities. Schumer can stomp his feet until his fucking shoes disintegrate. Jeffries can hold hearings until the Capitol runs out of television cameras. Neither possesses the power to erase existing presidential authority by throwing a partisan temper tantrum. And the hypocrisy is absolutely fucking breathtaking. These same self-righteous jackasses spent years celebrating Clinton and Obama for exploiting every inch of legitimate presidential authority available to them. They laughed when Republicans complained. They mocked congressional obstruction. They practically handed out fucking trophies for finding ways to govern around hostile legislative majorities. Now Trump has the opportunity to exercise his own established powers, and suddenly Democrats are acting like somebody just discovered a nuclear reactor under the Resolute Desk. The constitutional principles they applauded yesterday have apparently become an existential fucking emergency today. What a magnificent collection of sanctimonious, historically illiterate frauds. Democrats spent millions winning Congress, congratulated themselves for supposedly crippling Trump, and promptly forgot the very lessons their own political heroes taught them. For years, executive flexibility was a glorious demonstration of presidential leadership. Then Trump sat behind the Resolute Desk, and the same smug assholes who cheered it suddenly started screaming like someone had shoved the Constitution straight up their asses. (article below)

American progressive feminists have achieved a level of ideological stupidity that deserves its own fucking monument. They scream about the patriarchy every time a Republican opens his mouth, yet some of these same self-appointed champions of female liberation become remarkably accommodating when the subject turns to Islamist authoritarianism. Iran provides the perfect reality check. Under its Islamic Republic, women have been arrested, imprisoned, and brutalized for defying compulsory hijab laws. Women have risked their lives demanding freedoms that American feminists exercise every day while complaining about how terribly oppressed they are. Imagine Hillary Clinton, Jennifer Welch, or the screeching harpies of daytime television discovering that their freedom to insult powerful men now depends on the permission of religious authorities. Imagine their outrage when the government tells them what to wear and punishes them for refusing. Suddenly, those endless lectures about the patriarchy would acquire some fucking perspective. And the historical irony gets considerably darker. In 1979, Iranian leftists helped overthrow the shah, celebrating alongside Islamist revolutionaries while imagining the glorious political future they were building together. What a magnificent triumph of revolutionary solidarity! Then the Islamists consolidated power. Their former leftist allies became enemies of the state. Political organizations were crushed, dissidents imprisoned, and thousands of political prisoners executed in 1988. Congratulations, comrades. You helped build the machinery that eventually came for you. That's the breathtaking arrogance of ideological zealots who mistake a shared enemy for shared principles. They assume that because two movements despise the same political establishment, they'll somehow respect each other's freedoms after victory. History has a vicious way of correcting that particular delusion. The women fighting Iran's theocracy understand the stakes because they live with the consequences. Meanwhile, American activists can afford the luxury of treating religious authoritarianism as an abstract political argument. The Iranian leftists learned what happens when revolutionaries finish congratulating themselves and the men holding the guns decide who gets to speak. That's when the applause stops, the prison doors slam shut, and the patriarchy they've been screaming about finally shows them what absolute power looks like. (article below)

Congratulations, Democrats! You magnificent fucking idiots just freed Donald Trump from the Republican congressional clown show. You won Congress expecting to paralyze his presidency. Meanwhile, Trump retains executive authority, existing enforcement powers, and more than $105 billion in previously enacted multiyear immigration funding. That money doesn't evaporate because Chuck Schumer throws a tantrum, and enforcing existing federal law doesn't require another round of Republican congressional ass-kissing. Which brings us to the spectacular collection of useless bastards who spent two years calling themselves Trump's allies. Republicans controlled Congress and somehow turned governing into a hostage negotiation with themselves. Every senator wanted a concession. Every congressman had a donor to protect. Every meaningful priority disappeared into another procedural clusterfuck while voters watched their supposed representatives manufacture excuses for accomplishing jack shit. And now Democrats have taken away their leverage. Think about the breathtaking stupidity of this political celebration. Schumer and Jeffries are practically wetting themselves over subpoenas, hearings, and investigations, apparently convinced that controlling congressional committees means controlling the presidency. They're preparing two years of televised outrage while Trump can concentrate on immigration enforcement, federal permitting, executive administration, and implementing laws already passed. Even better, the Republican establishment loses its favorite bargaining chip: threatening to withhold votes unless Trump protects somebody's politically connected little empire. No more endless negotiations with congressional Republicans demanding exceptions for their buddies. No more pretending another legislative compromise is the prerequisite for enforcing laws already on the books. Trump has two years to deliver, and the excuses have run out. The delicious irony is that Democrats spent a fortune winning Congress, popped the champagne, declared Trump politically crippled, and started rehearsing their impeachment speeches. Then somebody forgot to tell the celebrating morons that they'd just removed one of the biggest obstacles standing between Trump and his own agenda. Congratulations, Democrats. You bought yourselves Congress and accidentally repossessed the Republican clown car that had been blocking Trump's driveway. What a spectacular fucking bargain. (article below)