Batman / Bruce Wayne

If you're a multi-billionaire and don't even TRY to use your fortune to become Batman, I don't get you at all.

When you ask one of your employees to get you a drink and they bring you a Coke.

"Why do we fall, Master Bruce?" "Good question, Alfred. I'll have to get OH&S to look into it."

Alright, the subject of today's meeting is ... INJUSTICE. First person to groan or say, "Again?!" gets a Batarang to the face.

"Why so serious?" Well, I've got lots going on right now. Reports to read, meetings, etc. Plus, thugs murdered my parents so there's that.

I'd rather spend a week suppressing a mass riot of criminally insane villains at Arkham Asylum than attend a staff meeting.

I built the Batmobile and Batwing from scratch but I still can't get this goddamn photocopier to stop jamming every second page.

Batarang, batarang, smoke bomb, grappling hook, Scarecrow's neurotoxin antidote. I can NEVER find business cards in this utility belt.

No, you can't "text" me. If you need me, fire up the Bat Signal like a normal person.

I like my coffee like I like my superheroes: strong, dark and FULL OF JUSTICE.

Robin, you stop wearing those little green tights and I'll THINK about adding you to my professional network on LinkedIn.

Not a #NFL fan, but I AM a huge fan of punching Bane in the face. Expect the lights at the #SuperBowl to be back on shortly. #LightsOut

If you're on Santa's Naughty List you get a lump of coal for Christmas. If you're on MY Naughty List you get a Batarang to the face.

Don't worry, you guys. No way I'm letting the world end tomorrow. I keep all my stuff here.

To everyone at the Staff Christmas Party: yes, I will cover "Santa's" medical bills. GENUINELY thought he was a festively-themed villain.

Not normally a cat fan, but something about this guy makes me happy. #CatBatman

My CV is just the words "I'M BATMAN" written above a photo of me punching the Riddler in the balls.

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy but I'm the Batman and I just broke your clavicle in 17 places. #BatSignalMeMaybe

Finally, if you'll turn to p. 74 of the Financial Report, you'll see I've drawn me punching Joker in the face. Meeting adjourned.

Wish someone had told me about the office Halloween party BEFORE I hospitalised the 5 Jokers, 3 Banes and 2 Riddlers I found in the lobby.