ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes) header
ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes) profile picture

ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ

@PunsAndQuotes

From the maker of @folksofhistory & @lgbtplusproud - Mostly puns, clever jokes + pretty much anything cool/funny I've found online. NB: I don't own this stuff.

Joined July 2015
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Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)Photo by ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)
It actually happened. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
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Past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
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Apparently it's #CowAppreciationDay. Udderly ridiculous if you ask me.
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ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ retweeted
Dublin Airport (@DublinAirport) profile picture
Dublin Airport
@DublinAirport27 May 2020
Apparently, the pilot is testing his eyesight just to make sure he’ll be ok for a transatlantic flight in a day or two. Sorry, that’s obviously not the case. It’s collecting information for a mapping software company.
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Watch those calories dad...
Image from ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)
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Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." He doesn't react.
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ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ retweeted
oracle oғ тeмple (@oracleoftemple) profile picture
oracle oғ тeмple@oracleoftemple22 Dec 2019
Back for a one off Christmas special, a bit like Gavin and Stacey. Happy Christmas everyone! #oracleoftemple #temple #londonunderground @tfl
Image from oracle oғ тeмple (@oracleoftemple)
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Of course I touch myself when I think about you. It's called a face palm.
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C, E Flat, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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Did the person who invented the door knocker win a Nobel prize?
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The Cure were going to play Glastonbury but they already had The Vaccines and so they weren't needed.
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Don't worry if you can't spell 'Armageddon'. It's not the end of the world.
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Poor door. LOL
Image from ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)
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Ouch!
Image from ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)
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The man who invented predictive text died the other day. His funfair is next monkey.
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Animal testing…
Image from ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)
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My little dog keeps biting through my guitar pedal. Well, he is a chewwahwah.
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Before noon but aaaaaarrrrrrr-fter eight.
Image from ⓟⓤⓝⓢ & ⓠⓤⓞⓣⓔⓢ (@PunsAndQuotes)
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Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
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The barman says: "Sorry we don't serve timelords in here". Doctor Who walks into a bar.
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