Retarded Mom

When Asian people send text messages, is this how their smiley faces look like ¦ ) ?

My son's girlfriend is very religious, every time I walk into his room she's on her knees.

My daughter really wants a pet, I heard her talking with her boyfriend about doggie style.

My daughter just told me that "once you go black, you never go back" I've always thought black can go with any outfit!

Who the heck can ride a horse backwards? I've never seen a reverse cowgirl in my life!

I always hear moaning noises coming from my daughter's room when her boyfriend is over. I really wish the ghosts would leave them alone.

Whenever my daughters boyfriend is over all I hear is "Baby, baby, baby oooh!!!" They must really love Justin Bieber!

“My daughter's facebook status said "I like it rough ;)"... She must be out of moisturizer!

My daughter must have a Biology project cause I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom.

My husband is so nice to our new cleaning lady. The house gets so hot during the day so he lets her wear a small skirt and a bra.

My son told me he likes getting high.. maybe he should take up mountain climbing or something.

My friend's father recently died so I texted her "LOL!" (lots of love).

My son says he is going to the store to buy bath salts. I hope he buys the citrus ones!

I'm so happy for my son, he finally got a girlfriend! Her name is Mary Jane and he says that she lights up his world.

My son's friend asked if he could "crash at my place"... Absolutely not! If you want to drive unsafely, do it elsewhere!

My son is just so thoughtful. He does not want us to get a computer virus, so he always clears the computer internet history.

My son just went to the store to buy "rubbers". Back in the day we called them erasers!

My son's friends always ask if they can get a piece of my booty. It's so cute when the pretend to be pirates!

Just added my son as a friend on Facebook and his status said "WTF mom" It's so cute of him that he greeted me w/ "Welcome To Facebook mom!"

I overheard my husband say he rear-ended his secretary. Better check the insurance!