William Keaton (@Script_Samurai) header
William Keaton (@Script_Samurai) profile picture

Writer. Professional kitchen sink thrower. Repped by AAO Entertainment. https://xitter.gq/t.co/jo21qzN4xB

Joined December 2011
Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)Photo by William Keaton (@Script_Samurai)
Now watching. This better not be gross
1
5
135
All of Georgia is a speed trap. That’s how they make their money
🚨University of Georgia fan Chris Dixon was pulled over while driving to a UGA game in Athens when a sheriff's deputy crossed the median to ticket him for allegedly traveling 77 mph. Dixon maintains his cruise control was locked at 70 mph, pointing to his Cadillac's built-in digital display as proof. When Dixon attempted to show the officer the on screen data and offer the recording during the stop, the deputy refused to review it on the roadside stating, "I can't go by that. That is not a state registered device" and told him to fight it in court. ​#Georgia #AthensGA #UGA #PoliceAccountability #TrafficStop #TrueCrimeCommunity
5
359
You know you’ve had too much to drink when you try to speak and it comes out in perfect Klingon
10
211
Happy pre Halloween 🎃 🍷
1
13
232
The gutless moron, Officer Trenton Ryan Garner, who still has not been fired, says he has qualified immunity in the killing of baby Hee-Haw. This is what made him in fear of his life
9
178
Broken elbow stairs is almost complete
My steps are almost done. It’s called the broken elbow stairs (I hurt my elbow building them)
9
158
Replying to @ingelramdecoucy
They could at least do it in public schools and universities
1
33
You know what prevents this? Drivers not stopping on railroad tracks. Even if it wasn’t the law, basic intelligence says you never cross railroad tracks unless you can clear them
🚨🚨🚨:Spain’s high-speed rail: the advanced safety system failed, so the control center “inexplicably” ordered the train to proceed at full speed into a stationary one. At least 68 people helped prove how well that design works. Two days earlier in Poland, a tanker trapped at a level crossing only survived by breaking the barrier in the final seconds — a live demo of the “don’t enter if you can’t exit” rule. Apparently the safety systems are mostly for writing reports afterward. When it actually matters, you’re still better off breaking the barrier yourself.
3
144
Oh this is terrible. God bless
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to: Johns Hopkins Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center Fund    alzresearch.org/giving/ Alzheimer’s Foundation of America Caregiver Resources     alzfdn.org/donate/ Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia
6
160
Man, I aint got no Publix or Kroger near me
1
46
Replying to @faustiantulpa
I can’t find them anywhere around me. I know they have them in Florida so I’m gonna look for them when I’m down there
2
1
28
Have you ever had a Clearly Canadian?
1
9
207
On the menu tonight: Smoked pulled pork bbq with coleslaw and Old Bay crab chips
6
2
2
55
934
“I was already full — off a large serving of disrespect.” I’m stealing this
This was an email a friend of mine got from a kid in her department at the college she works at
5
235
She’s about to turn your ass into a damn house plant
BREAKING: Acne Studios taps former Balenciaga artistic director Martina Tiefenthaler as Creative Director
1
10
417
“Goodnight, baby. Tomorrow we’re going to Lowe’s”
9
217
William Keaton retweeted
1
2
9
207