sliding

CW: Mental Health + Abuse Hiya~ I know I've been gone for a bit but I had to take a step back. I hate to say this but my mental health has not gotten to the point I need it to be. The past 8 or so years, I didn't really do much outside of content creation. I never traveled to places I wanted to go, stopped hanging out with friends as much, and didn't make memories I wanted to have. Overall, I didn't live. The reason why was because initially my work was used as a distraction from everything else. Unfortunately, I was living in an extremely abusive environment but YT was a place where I could express myself safely. Then, my channel exploded and I was able to actually live off of it. Because of that I was able to leave and start a new life. I thought I could finally be happy, not realizing I needed to heal first. But despite that, I prioritized my work before anything. I wanted to be consistent because I felt like if I didn't keep up with everyone; then I wasn't good enough. I realize now more than ever, this was me spiraling. I neglected my mental health so much, that it began to affect my physical well-being. Causing extreme anxiety and heart problems.. which is a deadly combo (and runs in the family, FUCK!) This was my sign to just stop. I allowed myself to be what I feared most because as much as I love what I do, I need to love myself more. During this time away, I did a few things I've always wanted! I started my professional VA account (@AerelisVA), I began to learn how to sing AND am currently re-learning a language. Of course, I am going out more and scheduled specialized therapy. Sorry for the rants but I felt the need to explain whats been going on since I kinda went MIA out of nowhere again. I can't say I'm doing better but I am taking the right step forward. I'm gonna be honest even just typing this out is terrifying and causing my anxiety to spike. But I know at the end of the day, I'll be okay. Thank you for your love, I read every comment and the kindness you shown me has brought me out of some dark places. I'm going to get better so I can be the best froggie tomboy ever >:P TLDR: I didn't treat the root of my mental health problems and it got me good lol