Chris Finke

We live in Soviet Russia

Nick Coleman and the Western Michigan Broncos

I like to get up and go in the morning so I’ve been eating breakfast at night.

Squirrel ran away from me with his walnut like I would even want it. Tranquilo brother I have chicken tikka in the fridge.

Been saving time by typing :90 instead of 1:30 on the microwave. Unfortunately I just spent a significant portion of it typing this tweet to tell you about it. Pretty much a wash now. Back to my life I guess.

If I had a headcase kicker, I'd invest in a golf simulator-style practice net for the sideline. I'd rig it to tell him that everything would have been good from 65, but I'd also add enough variance in distance and placement feedback so as not to arouse suspicion. He'd never miss.

Dad packed ziplocs of popcorn for the movie theater last night. Never been prouder to be a Finke.

Just tried to unlock the house with the button on my car keys. Hope to see a lot of big hits to the head and neck area this college football Saturday.

Couldn’t sleep last night so I counted sheep. Got to 8. Didn’t fall asleep, they just stopped showing up. I was up for hours waiting for the rest of them.

First ice cream cone to quiet the voices in my head. Second ice cream cone to enjoy. Third ice cream cone to make me sick.

I am a prolific improvisational jazz musician. Trouble is I can’t play any instruments. Thus I am condemned to scat.

“Hey, you got any gum?” ”No. ” ”I can tell.”

Just ran a 6:00 mile in a suit and tie and backpack in the Charlotte airport trying to make a connection. People cheered for me as I went. “Hey!” and “Slow down, moron!” they shouted. Doors were closed, but I still feel like a winner. You cannot break my spirit @AmericanAir.

Hey which one of you wise guys left the Fake Item Box on the highway? Mile marker 41 on I-75? Very funny… I got like 15 feet of air. That guy on a cloud had to come get me. My wife exploded.