Savinho failed so badly at Man City he had to change his name to Savio and hope we wouldn’t notice.

Hi @Lord_Sugar, did you know that Tottenham have now lost more league games at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium than Arsenal have at the Emirates? Arsenal moved to the Emirates in 2006. Tottenham moved to the Tottenham Hotspur stadium in 2019, 13 years later.

It was an honour to be invited to Cristiano Ronaldo’s wedding. Thank you @Cristiano.

My tea went cold when the moon went over the sun. It’s safe to say this eclipse has turned into an absolute nightmare.

I just messaged Danny Welbeck, It’s a bit of a random one you getting linked to BlueCo’s Chelsea. You’re 36 in November, what on earth are they thinking? He replied, Thanks James, my agent is dealing with it. I’m still 35 and have a lot to give. I replied, Yes but next year you’ll be 37. Your sell on value will be zero. He replied, Yes from Chelsea’s point of view I can see what you mean, but Todd Boehly’s at the wheel and that means one last pay day. I replied, Do they know you’re 37 next year? He replied, Ok James, thanks for your unwavering support.

Hi Hugh. I am James Milner, pleased to meet you. I can tell you all you need to know about Leeds United. For starters, I am the best thing to come from the Leeds United youth academy. (Yes, that includes Harry Kewell). And secondly, Mark Viduka is a legend for reasons that are still confusing to this day. Has that whet your appetite? Pop over to mine for a cup of tea and I’ll reveal more fascinating anecdotes about the club.

So let me get this straight. The cure for depression is sitting through Arsenal shithouse their way to a 1-0 win at home to Everton?

I just messaged Jurgen Klopp, Congratulations on your new job as head-coach of Germany. It won’t be an easy task to turn them around. He replied, Thank you James. Wish me luck. I replied, What’s your plans to turn Germany around? It won’t be an easy task and you’ve been out of the game for a few years. He replied, I back myself, and the players. I replied, Well I’m available if you need help? I’m retired from playing now and have zero future plans. I can put cones out, make sure the players stay hydrated, give tips on general household chores to keep the mind busy. He’s not replied yet, no doubt due to a signal issue or maybe an important coach recruitment meeting where he’s putting my name forward.

Manchester City have signed Elliot Anderson for £116 million. That’s £1 million 116 times. Throughout my career, I joined Newcastle for £3.6 million, Aston Villa for £12 million, Manchester City for £24 million, Liverpool for free and Brighton for free. That’s a total of £1 million 39.6 times.

The 30-minute half-time show was amazing, I wish it could have gone on longer. It’s something I think the Premier League should introduce. In every. single. game. That would be 380 half-time shows. If each are 30-minutes long then that’s 11,400 minutes, or 190 hours, or 7.92 days of half-time shows. Surely the Premier League are missing a trick here.

We should have done that vs. Argentina.

Gianni Infantino Americanising our game: - Four 22.5min Quarters - 30min ‘Super Bowl’ Half-Time Show - ‘Championship’ Rings for World Cup Winners What’s next?

I just messaged Andrew Robertson, I hope you’re supporting England tonight. He replied, Yes James, I know my history so would never support Argentina. I replied, Yes Andrew, if you’re Scottish or Welsh and supporting Argentina tonight then you need to pick up a history book. He replied, I couldn’t agree more, James. I replied, Yes I agree.

Is he aware who he looks like? Both born in Leeds too.

All for it, fixtures like Andorra v Mongolia will be pure box office.

This record is in danger when I see Tommy Tuchel after he’s won the World Cup and bought football home.