Man @LilNasX looks better every year.

Figure out your audio @peacock, this is the only thing you have worth watching.

Why was this debate better? #Debates2024

That pause was so pregnant that #MitchMcConnell moved to abort.

Onlyfans is the real classmates.com.

I wish I was confident enough to blame all my life's problems on constellations and planets in a line too.

Dobby is a free elf

Man, Gen Z posts some really mundane stuff of TikTok. *looks at Facebook feed of Millennial friends* Oh.

Anyone else's COVID card starting to look like the back of your high school year book?

The Mario movie is better on shrooms.

Everyone is just hate-using Twitter now, yes?

Do you use

Do I want to get a burger and fries at @fly_BUR or should I pay rent?

Mockup of the #Beyonce tickets I can afford.

I EXPRESSLY LEFT BOSTON TO BE DONE WITH SNOW AND NOW THERE'S SNOW HERE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME LICKY BOOM BOOM DOWN

I'm convinced that they are making up battery brands to mess with new remote owners.

If you get this with pumpkin spice and milk, that's bread. You're eating bread.

Petition to start calling incels "flaccid aggressives."

It's not a midlife crisis. It's a 2nd half adjustment.

This is the first #SuperBowl where the jets flying overhead are on their way to blow up stuff.