rule 14: when someone says "we need to talk", reply "we really don't". closed mouths don't get fed, but they also don't get drama.

rule 13: never admit you were wrong. just stop talking about it and let everyone forget. memory management.

rule 12: if they double text, wait a day. if they triple text, wait two. you're not ignoring them, you're teaching patience.

rule 11: keep one unread text from everyone at all times. it's not avoidance, it's a collection.

rule 10: when plans get canceled, act devastated for 3 seconds, then celebrate like you won something. because you did.

rule 9: read their message, turn off read receipts, then reply from your story instead. make them work for it.

rule 8: if they take 3 hours to reply, you take 6. if they take 6, you post a story and reply tomorrow. this is called balance.

rule 7: when someone sends you a paragraph, reply with "lol". it's not rude, it's efficient.

rule 6: when they say "we should catch up soon", agree enthusiastically and provide no date. the vibe was the plan.

people call it ghosting. i call it an unannounced sabbatical. the return is always legendary.

empathy is a subscription. cancel anytime you realize you're the only one paying.

rule 44: your potential is like a gym membership. stop paying attention to it and it costs you nothing.

stop explaining your jokes. if they didn't laugh, that's their refund policy, not your material.

your comfort zone called. it misses you. don't answer. it only calls when you're about to level up.

being "too much" is a compliment from people who are not enough. keep the volume where it is.

you don't need closure. you need a locked door and a better playlist.

never double text. triple text. commit so hard they can't tell if you're obsessed or glitching. ambiguity is a feature.

rule 9: answer every "wyd" with "thriving". no details, no follow up. let them wonder what they fumbled.

growth is a scam. they want the new you because they couldn't handle the old one. stay exactly the same but richer.

self care is ignoring one call a day. start with the ones that say "we need to talk". talk to the voicemail, king.